Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Question 2 b.

Okay, having bandied this question (in one form or another) with a fellow blogger, I am posing this question to you: My bloggy panel of experts.

Let's suppose for one minute that you have a deep mental/physical/spiritual/ connection with another person (of either gender). You have felt this connection from the first time you met this person. You have come into contact with them at various points in your lives for a period of time spanning over a decade. At each of these points in your lives neither of you was at a point to act on these feelings but there was no denying that they existed. Until one night. You have one night with this person and everything is exactly as you thought it would be. Except that this person is married. You do not know the spouse, have never in fact met.

Knowing that this person could be quite possibly, the 'one' - do you let the chips fall where they may and come clean about the depths of your feelings for them and thus, potentially end a marriage. Or do you remain alone and have relationship after relationship fail because the rest never quite measure up?

Inquiring minds want to know.

Question 2.

Okay....Just a quick post since obviously... jas sem v sljuzbo zdaj. =)

In love, is intensity or permanence more important to you? How much do you expect from someone who loves you? What would make you feel betrayed by your mate - indifference? dishonesty? infidelity?

Kind of a two-part question =)

as usual question of the day is brought to you by: The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, PH.D. < free plug for him & get out of plagiarism charges card for me!

Oh, I suppose I should answer my own question huh ? okay let's see.... I think permanence is definitely more important to me. And I mean if you really love someone, isn't that intense just by definition? Truthfully, I think all three would make me feel betrayed but the one that would hurt the most would be the dishonesty. Honesty is about respect. You certainly can't get it if you don't give it.

Monday, May 30, 2005

Question of the day...

I thought perhaps I would do (aside from my regular meanderings...) a question of the day post. Participate...don't participate.. up to you. (incidentally, a friend's now ex-wife lent me this book prior to their divorce...do I contact her and attempt to return it or leave things as they are?) NO. That was not the question...I am just curious.

Here it is: Question One

You and a person you love deeply are placed in separate rooms with a button next to each of you. You know that you you will both be killed unless one of you presses your button before 60 minutes pass; furthermore, the first to press the button will save the other person, but will immediately be killed. What do you think you would do?

Kind of a hole in the question for me... I mean as soon as the button is pushed does the other person's door automatically open and they are free or are they left to suffer for the remainder of the 60 minutes trying to decide if they love you enough to die for you. pfft. Anyhoo, I didn't write the question so don't shoot the messenger. My answer is this. ~ I would push the button because I wouldn't be able to handle the guilt of knowing I didn't try to save someone I cared about. Of course I would analyze this decision endlessly and finally end up pushing the button with about 30 seconds to spare but in the end, I would push it.

courtesy of: The Book of Questions by Gregory Stock.... < free plug for him, avoidance of plagiarism accusations for me =)


Why do we care what others think of us? What chemical imbalance exists within our makeup that makes us strive for acceptance and push for popularity?

I guess I don't want to know why you care what others think. But I sure as hell would like to know why I care. I will have to admit that I care less now, in my mid-30's, than I did when I was 20-something. It still exists however, buried deep in the recess of my psyche, this need to have people I find interesting....find me interesting back.

It also irks me that when they don't... it hurts my feelings. WTF? I should be stronger than that! I know what I am capable of - both the positive and negative sides of that coin. Why should it matter to me what someone I have never met, will never meet....don't even want to meet... thinks of me?

I am going to keep this generic because truthfully, I don't want to start a large discourse with this particular party on the subject. However, I do find it ironic that I waxed poetic on the virtues of his intellect and writing style to my husband who summed it up in a brief three word reply. "he's an asshole".

No. Actually, he's not. I am the asshole for caring that he thinks less of me than I do!

So bloggy people... do you care what people think of you? Do you care more when it's someone whom you find interesting? At least make me think I am not a freak for caring what someone says about you in this forum! =)

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Musical baton....

Sonson passed this little gem onto me and since I was taking my sweet-ass time reading through all the blogs on my list I didn't notice it until today.. my apologies!

1. Total volume of music files on my computer:

~ well... misleading is what I would say. I USED to have about 500. BUT I have since reformatted as a result of letting my son use my computer...which he promptly cluttered up with unused files and spyware so in a fit of parental rage I a) reformatted completely without backing anything up... and b) got him his own computer and told him if he messed it up I was neither repairing it nor replacing it. End of discussion.

2. The last CD I bought was:

~ Michael Buble - It's Time ~ I just love his voice and the type of music that he sings is timeless... plus I was going to his concert and I really wanted to study before I went so I didn't look less "fannish" than everyone else there. hah! actually I have his other two CD's as well.

3. Song Playing right now: The man I Love - Etta James. It can pretty much be any song by Etta and I love it. This just happens to be the one playing right now.

4. 5 songs that mean alot to me:

~ At last - Etta James - it has meaning.
~ Enigma - The songs are just fabulous to make love to.
~ Eric Clapton - How long... although pretty much anything on 'from the cradle' - I'm a blues girl what can I say ?

And people I will pass this on to.... okay Prince Charming Just because I want to.... Sara Because I would like to know what kind of music she listens to.... and Brian because I am currently chatting with him in Yahoo and I know he will be forced to comply with my wishes !

fascinating ... no?

To crush or not to crush.... that is the question...

Ahhhhh Sundays. I have been lazily perusing some of my favorite blogs and it seems to me that there are crushes popping up everywhere! Brian is crushing on some lucky girl, Jerk has two different kinds of crushes...an intellectual one apparently and something a little more...intense.

Then there are people whom I shan't name (because he in particular likes to debate endlessly and I don't particularly want to start a war on my site...) that are OBVIOUSLY crushing like mad on one of his commenters but I don't think he has actually come out and told her...(trust me though dude, YOU CAN TELL).

I guess what I am wondering this morning is ... how dangerous are internet crushes? I suppose not at all if you are single... a great venue for shopping for that significant other...but what for those of us that are married, living with someone, in a committed relationship?

Just where is the line drawn?

I can tell by the types of comments my husband leaves on sites who he finds interesting and whom there is no spark of connection with. Perhaps he can tell the same about me. Does it bother me that he finds other women interesting? No. Would it bother me if he found another woman SO interesting that he felt compelled to meet her in person? HELL YES.

How about a phone call? A flurry of witty emails being exchanged? How about feeling all those things for another person and never saying anything to them. Does feeling it but not acting on it make it any better? Can you cheat on someone in your mind?

I know how dangerous this internet can be. My husband and I were both with other people when we met and started chatting online. There was just this connection. OK....neither of us were particularly happy with the people we were with...just a kind of mundane existence in a relationship that was neither too horrible to leave nor good enough to fight for.

My question is this: where do you draw the line? People always say that flirtation is harmless. I would tend to disagree. I think you can open a can of worms with that one. As human beings we tend to always look to the next step. The next step from a 'harmless' flirtation could possibly be lethal to a marriage or committed relationship.

If you have a crush but never physically act on it...does that make it less hurtful to the person you are with?

Lots of questions... it just seems that whatever page I happen to be perusing lately there are crushes everywhere! (Is it Spring?) ooo and hahah! on the intellectual crush thing Jerk! I can relate! ( I think the intellectual crush thing is okay though because I don't find myself dreaming about what it would be like to be with this person AT ALL. I do however really dig how his mind functions.)

So what do you guys think? okay to crush or not okay?

Saturday, May 28, 2005

The Great Wall of NO.

I constructed the great wall of NO as a protective barrier against the ever-encroaching mount Fruitoloomis.

Just kidding. Actually here is the cold hard truth. I am all for cuddling before coitus. Apres coitus however.....when it is sleep time, there exists two separate sides of the bed. MY SIDE .... and his. I do not like to pretzel up naked and sweaty fighting for the one position that my arm will not fall asleep and rot off in the middle of the night. I do not like to inflict my morning breath on him at ground zero proxmity. I do not like to touch at all when it is time for sleep. In fact. I get crabby. Hence the wall of NO.

It was not erected to keep him from plundering the booty. It is merely a place for the booty to recoup after said plundering. We each like our space, he likes his privacy in his dungeon to play his video games, get creative and to play his weekly D&D game... I like mine when I sleep.

If I have ruined something for you girls out there who do like to cuddle. I apologize... but having watched enough movies with this exact scenario played out...I know that a lot of guys would appreciate just being left alone to sleep after the fact... it may be easier for you to just think of me as one of the guys. =)

You can find his malicious, heartless, slander of me HERE hah! actually, it's pretty funny - even if he is in the dog house!

Thanks KOM...I was expecting a holiday weekend......

Instead I come home from a long week away from home to find I have homework assignments! hah!

Just kidding...

Total number of books I've owned....

This one could be quite difficult. Books were the one thing it was extremely hard for me to part with when I decided to make the move to this country. Even if I never planned to re-read the book, I felt some sort of proprietary kinship to a book I had purchased and devoured. I ended up boxing up my books there and donating them to the nursing home around the corner from my home in Ontario. There were probably six boxes of books so I will guess about 500. Since I have been here, I have somehow managed to acquire approximately 200 or so. This number does not even come close to the number of books I have actually read because I was a huge fan of the library when I was younger and couldn't afford books.

Last book I bought...

Easy enough to remember because it was last weekend, my husband and I went out for dinner with friends and we all stopped into Borders (always a dangerous proposition....) I bought The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams... I started reading it while I was out of town but I confess I didn't get very far...by the time I got back to the hotel at night I was either too tired to really give the book much attention or yakking on the phone.

The last book I read...

The last book I read was actually a series... by George R. R. Martin.. A Song of Ice and Fire. I believe I actually recommended them to a couple of bloggy people I thought would really enjoy them. My husband and both loved them. The only down side would be that by the time we finished the third book in the series, the fourth was not yet published...we have been waiting for over a year now and apparently it is due to come out this June!

Five books that mean a lot to me...

My most cherished book(s) of all time would have to be my complete set of Shakespeare. A) because Willie simply rocks and his writing to me at least, is timeless and B) because my husband loved me enough to indulge me and buy it for me for Christmas....it was published in 1908 and is in remarkable condition...complete with illustrations and the fine tissue paper to protect the illustrations. Some of the pages are actually still joined together, which is a shame because I will never read those pages, but I want to keep them in the condition that they are in.

Another book I cherished deeply and still think of fondly was a children's book entitled: I'd Like To Be.... and is about a small child dreaming of all the really amazing things he/she will do when they grow up and then deciding in the end that the absolute best thing in the world to be..is 'me'.

Charlotte's Web. I can't explain this really except to say that I was really young when I read it and even then it made me cry. It has always been one book that gets me every time.

Lord of the Rings. I was pretty young when I took this book on...maybe 11 or 12. I don't think that I got most of it at that age, but I read it cover to cover and I was so proud that made it through. I like to think it prepared me well for my future husband. I must have known I would marry a D&D geek. So it gave me an early appreciation for fantasy.

And lastly, you may find this funny but I absolutely adore the Dictionary. I have a voracious appetite for words and I find myself using it whenever I run across a word I don't recognize. I would not say that it is an enticing read by any stretch of the imagination...but it is definitely a book that has gotten a TON of 'me time' over the years.

and now......I get to pick five people - who will either love me for thinking of them...or hate me for making them think....the 'weiners' are :

My hub... : because I owe him for the 'wall of No' post.

Jerk : just because I am still trying to figure out if my husband and he are actually one person!

Walker because he tagged me ...so now I get to tag him back!

Mr. Haney : because he usually has something interesting to say.

Brian : because I can!

10 things I haven't done....

Well.... I had a fascinating week in beautiful Monticello, IL. (Population 5600.)...but that is another story.

Walker passed this little homework assignment on to me to tell you all 10 things I haven't done.....

1. I have never killed anyone. (yet) mwahhhhhhh haaaaaaah haaaaaaa) < that was an evil laugh in case you were wondering....
2. I, like Walker ...have never joined the mile high club....is it just me or are those bathrooms just way too small for any actual fun ????
3. I have never gone skydiving.... I prefer my brains hard boiled, not scrambled.
4. I have never cheated on my husband ...(I should clarify...I have never cheated on THIS husband ....the first one didn't count....it was a practice run.)
5. I have never had sex for money...although if my husband wants to buy me that really nice digital camera on my wish list...I promise to rock his world! (does that make me a digital whore?)
6. I have never picked the correct winner of american Idol. (or for that matter the superbowl, the stanley cup.... my husband calls me "the bad luck fan"...apparently if I pick you...you are doomed to lose the contest! next year I am picking the person/team I hate the most and rooting my ass off for them) Reverse Psychology baby.
7. I have never had breast implants....although the older I get and the more they seem like they are itching to go "south" for the winter...the more tempted I am ~! I figure 40 is a good age to bring them back up north.
8. I have never been attracted to a girl (unless you count Alyssa Milano in that vampire movie she did in the 90's...for some reason ....that really turned me on.)
9. I have never regretted moving to this country.
10. I have never had such a hard time making a list. (Usually if I want to do something...I just do it... call me selfish or crazy...or as Brian put it...head strong... I think life is too short to waste waiting and watching other people do things.

If you want to do something...my advice would be do it. What are you waiting for?

In turn I am going to pass this on to three groovy people..... my husband : because he is contractually obligated to respond... Brian : because he has a way with words and I am sure his post will be a good read.... and last but definitely not least :Jerk hell...because I think he's funny.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

one more thing before I go.....

Some of you girlies may find this cute... I was surprised I always thought I was the girl next door type....but I guess not! This test CANNOT be wrong!

Tolerabiles Ineptiae ....

I hope you all have a wonderful week. I have to leave early in the AM for a little town in the middle of nowhere...and I won't be back until Friday. Hopefully something noteworthy happens on my exile so I have fuel for my blog. (or at least something that won't bore you all to tears.)

Make sure you all go and bother my husband while I am gone....poor thing all alone all week.

Mad love @ you all!

Feel free to pine for me.....you know you want to!~

oh well...

I had found this cool little map of the United States that you click on the states you've visited and it made this neato link so you could put it up here. (I have been to 29% btw.)

But when I went to put it up...because it's so large....and I am so HTML deficient... it messed up the whole layout.

And I just know you were dying to know where I've been! I will put the link to Lisa's site so you can go check it out.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Just a little kick in the ass...

While perusing some of your blogs I came across a link to a site belonging to a very young soldier. I read through her stuff, (she hasn't been blogging very long) and we have commented back and forth. She is being deployed in about 10 days for some final training before being shipped back to active combat.

I would love you all immensely if you would drop by her site and wish her well. I get the idea that she sometimes feels a little unremembered. Maybe that isn't the word for it....unappreciated maybe would be better. Regardless of our personal opinions on the war or the reasons behind it there are people over there fighting it, and I think she deserves to know we think she's brave and appreciated.

Not that I want to be preachy preacherton or anything =) I just don't want this particular soldier to feel alone. I would tell them all if I could. She's just the only one I know so I will start with her.

lazy saturdays....

I got up...fiddled around with my laundry, spent some time chatting with brian, played a game with my husband and had a bath. HR showed up and we went for lunch. (I warned her that cajun food was spicy and that she was milk toast...but would she listen to ME? o no. So I got to laugh at her fanning her mouth and gulping water while a smug "I told you so" voice sang to me in my head).

Then we went to Uniform Source and I bought myself some lovely new scrubs for work...who KNEW that scrubs were tax deductible! Not I! yummy little tax savings for me!

My husband is off with his friend BN to go and see the new Star Wars movie. He invited me but I had already made plans and BN apparently has no qualms whatsoever about seeing Star Wars movies multiple times in the theater (I can't quite get used to spelling theater your American way.....) ~ we spell it theatre..... C'est la vie... and all that happy stuff.

Heather turned me on to this lovely new browser Mozilla, which I grudgingly downloaded and installed - because I just hate messing with stuff if my old stuff works just fine..... and it's truly fabulous~ fabulous and FREE... (www.mozilla.org) I suggest you all go and check it out if you haven't already...and if you have and I am the last loser on the planet to get this wonderful new toy... then you should all throw me a big freaking welcome aboard party!

I have to pack and finish washing clothes because this week I will be out of town on business. ( I do so love to say that...makes me feel all professional and shit). I know you will all be pining for me.....but such is life! You will just have to deal!!

Now I will sit back and wait for something fantastic to happen to me, so I have something to blog about later!

XOXOX thanks again Heather!!

mmmmmmmmm bubbles deux !

I JUST walked in the door from Michael buble's concert. MAN that boy can sing. It also doesn't hurt that he's Canadian! weeeeeeeeeee. So nice and personable...he actually came down and walked all through the crowd and hung out with people. It was fanfuckingtastic. I don't really have much else to say about my night except YAY!

I was all poopy and didn't want to go out ... ever get moods like that ??? Hey..it's the end of my...cycle I was moody. Sue me. But I decided to buck up and put on my best smiley face and go enjoy the show. I am so glad I did.

Just a little insight into my marriage....(totally NOT related to buble!) I had this dream last night... that one of my husband's friends grabbed me in the kitchen while my husband was downstairs and laid the ole smoocherino on me.

I of course fended him off...eventually =)

So I tell my husband about it...and this is what he says to me...

Me: finishes story....
Dave: Yeah, I wondered what was going on...I looked over and you were frenching the dog.

Frenching...the DOG.

ass. heheh!

Well goodnight bloggy friends! Mad love @ you all!!!

Thursday, May 19, 2005

You aren't who I thought you were.

Have you ever done something that you wish with every fiber in your being that you could undo? I did. I am 35 years old, and I still think about this. I alluded to it in my 99 things list. Now I think it's time to come clean. Well, maybe not clean because the parties involved know the score; But it is definitely time for a public apology. Maybe if he realizes that I still feel badly about it he can forgive me.

I was 16 years old. I was in boarding school and it was our big 'formal' dance. I had been set up with a friend of a friend's boyfriend. Let's just say that when you don't live in town you don't know many boys. So I went with him, I really wanted to go to the dance, I didn't particularly care with who.

We didn't hit it off. I think he had a crush on his friend's girlfriend and only agreed to go out with me so he could hang out with her. That's fine. I only went with him because I had a crush on GL and he was going to be there. I believe at the after party we went to we both said something to each other to that effect because he said I couldn't get GL to even look at me anyway and I told him he was pining over his best friend's girlfriend and was a huge scumbag. (Hey I never said my wit was razor-sharp in high school!)

A few cocktails later the evening culminated in him daring me to go and get GL if I liked him so much. So I did. We actually left that evening together and had somewhat of a relationship after that for about five weeks. I say somewhat because what the relationship consisted of was him calling me over when he was "in the mood" and me running over all starry eyed, thinking he must really love me. blah blah blah .

Side note. At the time I had this friend, Christopher. He was great. I guess he liked me but at the time I only saw GL. Christopher was the kind of guy that would write me silly notes and when I was upset about GL he would drive over to the boarding house and bring me silly things (like a neon pink hula hoop) to cheer me up. He took me to my first drive in movie. I had mentioned during one of our talks, that I had never been to one and wouldn't it be horrible if I died having never gone to a drive in. That weekend he took me. We saw a double feature, Sylvester Stallone was in it...but I don't remember what the movie was. We had popcorn fights and talked and laughed. And then he drove me home to my mother's house. (a two hour drive for him)

Another dance came along and I was all excited. I spent ages getting ready. GL was coming. I hadn't seen him in almost a week and well, you know how young love is. My friends and I were waiting for what seemed like hours...but really he showed up about 20 minutes after the dance started. With his new girlfriend. Le ouch.

To make a long story slightly less long, I will give you the abbreviated version: One of my friends came up with the idea to make GL think he had gotten me pregnant, I can't believe that I even entertained the idea much less went along with it. I mean seriously???? What the hell did I think would happen? He would realize the error of his ways and suddenly want to be with me? What a moron I was.

Christopher found out about my supposed pregnancy and came and picked me up at the boarding school. He took me for coffee and was impossibly sweet. He told me he would be there for me no matter what I decided. I lasted about five minutes or three sips of coffee before I blurted out the truth.

He was silent. For about 10 minutes I guess, but it seemed like an hour. And then he said "I'm glad that you aren't pregnant, no one should have to go through that, especially not with someone who doesn't care about them properly. But I don't think that I can talk to you anymore. You aren't who I thought you were."

You aren't who I thought you were.

He walked out and I haven't talked to him since. About a year after that, I was no longer in private school and as luck would have it a friend of mine at my new school turned out to be his cousin. I talked her into throwing a party and inviting him down. I missed his letters. I missed him.

I spent ages making sure I looked perfect for our reunion. We were downstairs having drinks when the door bell rang. It was him. LD went upstairs and let him in...I could see his feet as he came down the stairs, then his coat, then his face. Oh how I had missed that face!

He was smiling and talking to my friend. He stopped talking when he saw me. Stopped talking and stopped coming down the stairs. He turned around and went back up the stairs and out of the house. Out of my life. I haven't seen him since.

You aren't who I thought you were.

I see him saying those words to me every time I look in the mirror. He is the reason I do my best to never lie. I never want to hear anyone I care about say those words to me again. EVER.

So in case you ever read this Christopher Race Davis ... I am sorry. I have regretted doing what I did for almost 20 years now, and for what it's worth, I wasn't who I thought I was either.


I am sitting outside on my deck, it is a beautiful night. I think there were storms directly to the south of us, but they never made it up this far. It didn't stop the sky from turning into that interesting orange shade that sometimes happens before a storm, I love it when the sky turns orange. I am talking to HR on the phone. (It is her week to travel - that means I am out next week. joy.) I finish my cigarette and go back inside, curl up on the couch and continue our nonsensical chatter.

When I heard it.

The most horrendous screaming sound coming from the back yard. WTH? I hang up on HR, grab the flashlight and fly out to see what was causing such a commotion.

I figured the cat caught another bird. She has a horrid habit of capturing these birds and then torturing them endlessly, without actually finishing the job. The last time she did this I had to ask Dave to finish the poor thing off. (It was suffering and I hate that). I will leave it up to him to tell you the rest of THAT story!

I swat cat on the ass so she drops it, only to be scooped up immediately by dog. (you remember my dog...the URINATOR).



HOLY SHIT. It's a baby squirrel? I think. Dave by this time, is outside trying to figure out what the hell I am up to. There I am: trying to fend off dog and cat and still shine the light on .....whatever the hell it is.

dave: uhm, why don't you put the animals inside?
me: uh, okay. (that folks, is why he makes the big bucks...)

I come back out after depositing the offending animals inside and proceed to identify the lump. It is the teeniest, tiniest, little bitty bunny!! Immediately,the 6-year-old in me awakens and decides that the only course of action is to take it inside,and to love it and pet it and squeeze it and call it George.

Of course I don't voice this out loud because that is just silly. BUT man I wanted that bunny!

We moved him over to the corner of the yard to some leaves where hopefully George's mom would find him before some horrible mean bunny-eating owl, and went to bed.

I got up this morning and George was gone. I don't want to think negatively so I have to tell myself he's with his family. ~ whatever gets me through the day okay?

That was my excitement for the night!

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


This blank screen is probably the most intimidating thing I have looked at all day. I mean what do people want to see when they click on the link to my page. Do they want to know about my day? Do they want to know about my past? Do they want me to make stuff up for shock value? Truth be told I am much more exciting on the inside than I am on the outside. If I didn't have to work and had an indefinite supply of cash, I would be the most exciting fucker around.

I would travel and have adventures! Every day would be a new and fascinating tale. As it is, I get up (too fucking early) do the bare amount of exercise necessary to qualify the act as actual exercise. Have a shower. Feed and water the dog. Force him out in the back yard for his daily tour of his personal toilet (my tulips apparently). Dry my hair, apply some makeup and perfume. Watch the news while I put on my shoes. Walk down the hall and wake up my son first and then my husband. Find my ID badge, which never seems to be where I leave it. Grab my banana and whatever lunch I am having that day.

Enter garage, start car...commence driving. I do love my job, but right now we are in a transitional phase which has us all split up around the mid-west. So I am alone all day in a huge office space. (hence no amusing work stories...)

I watch the clock tick away the hours until I can lock up and head home.

Soon, I will have amusing work stories. But for now, I have seen this on a number of other sites I peruse daily and I would like to try it. Questions and answers.

The first ....o let's say 10 questions that are asked. I will answer honestly - whatever the question. (anything more than that and I am free to make up shit at random!) So, if there is anything you are curious about...Now is your chance!

Danke, Merci, Thank you, Vhala lepo.......

I have to admit, there IS such a thing as too much time. Too much time to sit and think. I much prefer to be busy when I am at work. The day zips by and I can come home and relax. When I am not busy at work, each hour feels like 3 hours and the end of the day seems a lifetime away.

Sitting here, I started thinking about the people I have started conversing with over the past couple of weeks. Through emails and IM's, bloggy comments and audio blogs. I guess I just wanted to say how fabulous it has been getting to know bits and pieces of you. I wanted to thank you for sharing yourselves on the internet, for opening up little windows into your lives.

I want to also thank those of you who have taken the time to read my crap and comment. (Most of all those that have come back more than once!) - to those of you who read me once and ran screaming....I would apologize...If I were a better person.

To those of you who read and do not comment...hello anyway! I wish you would. Even if what you have to say isn't nice...I am always in the mood for a good debate! Bring it on! Plus I have to admit to a morbid curiosity about who actually reads this...I know there must be some ..I see the numbers on my counter going up...(yes, I am a counter whore....)

Anyhoo, just thanks! That's it for now.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Do we ever really grow up?

I keep waiting for it. Every year I think to myself "this is the year I will be an adult". I keep waiting for that moment, my epiphany. So far, it hasn't happened. Oh, I know that chronologically I am an adult, hell, I even have very lucid adult-like moments in my head; But they are fleeting. On the inside, I am 15.

I wonder, do we ever really grow up? I mean we are always someone's child. Are there 80-year-old women running around out there feeling the same way as I do? I wish if someone out there is an adult they would tell me what to look for.

I own an adult house, I have an adult job, I make payments on my adult credit cards and I no longer view every weekend as an excuse to 'party down'. Sometimes though, I think that is all because that is what I am supposed to be doing and the inner 15-year-old is silently mocking me.

Fifteen might actually be an exaggeration. I think I actually stopped aging mentally at 22.

So. Do we every really grow up?

Monday, May 16, 2005

Who are you?

Which Family Guy character are you?

Damn I really wanted to be Stewie.

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Something wicked this way comes......

Pack your bags bloggy friends, we are traveling back...back into the deep recesses of my past to bring you tales from my sordid days before Dave. (DBD)

Circa 1987. I was hmmm 18, almost 19. I came up with the brilliant plan that I would like to move out on my own. (well, not exactly on my own..rather with 3 friends..a girl: Chris (C) and two boys: Neil (N) and Pat (P).

I broached the subject with "mummy" and presented her with all the pros (at that age I wasn't smart or mature enough to have thought out the cons....) and she said this to me...

Mum: Well, Lisa, I have no problem bankrolling this little operation of yours but I want you to think long and hard about this because if you choose to move out...there is no coming back.
Lisa: (having wasted all of 0.5 seconds of thought on my answer) GREAT!! I will tell the guys!

So she paid first and last for the whole house (about $2600) Oakville even in the 80's was prohibitively expensive to live in... stocked us up with food and forever closed and locked the door to the childhood home.

Oh we had good times, 4 kids in a big person house...all alone. No one to tell us what to do...The house was a block from the high school, in theory it should have made it impossible to miss school, I mean even in a freak snow storm I could have crawled down the street and made it. I think in the 6 weeks we managed to live in that house before we got kicked out.... I made it to school...6 times...maybe.

C had a huge crush on N. (who didn't?) P had a huge crush on C. N and I had so much sexual tension built up without either of us having a crush on the other one that you could have cut it with a knife.

Recipe for disaster. You know how they say that sometimes....the anticipation..the dream...is far better than the reality? uh huh.

It was late...C was at her parents house for dinner..P was ...well, I am not exactly sure where P was...he was kind of a loner. N and I were alone. He was downstairs in his room, my room was on the main floor, and C & P lived on the second floor.

tap tap tap

Me: yeah?
N pokes his head in the door.
N:what are you doing?
Me: nothing. why?
N: No reason. I was wondering....if I could listen to something on your stereo.
Me: sure...

He pulls out his metallica album...I know...I know... very romantic.

N for the record, was a fuckingfantabulous kisser. (we had kissed a few times before this always broken up by C who came looking for N ...) This time there was no one to come looking.

We started out in my room...kissing..hands everywhere...all the way down the hallway, through the kitchen...my shirt is probably still hanging on the banister of the stairs leading to the basement..How I managed to get downstairs and be missing half my clothes and he was still dressed...I don't know - he was just that good I guess...

We made it to his waterbed the kissing and teenage groping still going extremely well..and then we come to the actual act. It was my first foray on a waterbed... needless to say the rhythm was not in synch with mine, and his was not in synch with the water bed and ...and ...and

It was horrible. Awful. Months and months of buildup...sexy kisses stolen when no one was looking...the looks....OMG the looks that that boy could give a girl. Damn he was sexy. Till you actually tried to fuck him. We were like oil and water...the two just DO NOT mix... no matter how much you may want them to. (and fuck...did I want them to!)

We started laughing. and kept laughing...shit, it still makes me laugh. We sat cross-legged on his turbulent waterbed smoking a joint, him in his tighty whities...and me in mine. And we agreed to just never go there again. EVER. And I haven't... till now. I wonder where N is these days... ahhhh...memories.

So.. I guess my question for you...any of you that actually read my drivel... what was the most or least memorable sexcapade of your misspent growing years? Details people....I want details!

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Ok. I have way too much time on my hands today....

this is an audio post - click to play

The Keys to my heart....

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

Silly as this may sound, it's actually pretty accurate. So... What makes you tick?

looking back on this week.

All in all, it has been a pretty eventful week. Two of my friends (well actually, one of my friends and one of my husband's) announced they are pregnant. I magnanimously offered baby-sitting services up to and including the 7th month of life. Why 7 months you ask? Well in a nutshell, I love everything about babies. Once they start to sit up and be all demanding and shit...it's time to move on!

But hey, congratulations to CR and BN!!! Kind of makes me wish I could jump on the having a baby bandwagon as well....but then I think....Jake is 14. (and incidently the little bugger is 5'11! I just found that out today reading his fitness report from school... 5'11?????? ) Jake is 14 and plausibly, in the next 5 years I could be sans children in the house....do I really want another 20 years of child rearing ahead of me.... probably not.

You will remember my story about AW. Well, he got out on Thursday from villa de recoup your sanity. And apparently has gone from trying the "pack your bags, we're going on a guilt trip" approach to being irate and vengeful. I believe it is due to the extreme lack of coddling he got this round. Needless to say, that's all my MIL needs - to be worried he may try to do something to one of us.

Had my usual Friday night Chinese-fest with HR - followed of course by much lady-like fluffing.

Yes, very eventful.

My husband is going back to school in the fall to build up more "techy" skills. To quote Yoda, "it's very proud of him I am.". Sometimes I think about what my life would be like if I hadn't taken a chance and come down here to be with him. Thank God I did. It's a pretty good life.

More later! Toilets and Ironing are calling! o joy.

Thursday, May 12, 2005

ode to anal expulsions

Yes, that's right. I am blogging about farts. Your friend and mine. We all do it. Some of us actually in front of people. Some of us lurk in dark corners, release them and then run, prepared to blame them on anyone else but ourselves.

I used to be so bad, so ashamed of my farts, that I would hold them in all day. By the time I left work I literally looked 9 months pregnant. That can't be healthy. I would make a mad dash to the car, close the doors and release it all. (thank goodness I never got pulled over, although that would have definately been amusing to see the poor officer's face no?)

When I was young, I used to have farting contests with my friends, just like little boys do... only most girls don't admit to it. Then there were the great silent years, from ages 15 to approximately 34.

I am here to proclaim loudly and proudly, my silence is over!

Oh, don't get me wrong... I STILL won't fluff in front of my husband... I mean come ON! (He still has to want to fuck me!!!) I do remember one night, we had gone to bed and the house was settling down. I was ALMOST asleep when out it popped. Just a teeny one, enough to wake me up completely in a panic. DID HE HEAR IT? OMG OMG SHIT SHIT FUCK.

Dave: Did you hear that? What the hell was that ?
Lisa: oh, it was the dishwasher, I turned it on before we came to bed.

I laid there silently, holding my breath, waiting for him to call my bluff. He never did! PHEW. Of course after I came clean some weeks later, he now thinks any noise in the house is my ass.

Anyway, I have this friend (HR), I have mentioned her before. She really is an odd duck. I do so love her. She has this thing for farts. Just LOVES the smell of her own. She will let one go and then giggle for an hour afterwards. Crazy. She has always bugged me to join in. I never did.

Then one day....

We had just gotten back from Friday night Chinese food... and you know all about chinese food I am sure... she was farting away on the couch, laughing and begging me to "just FART already!"

So I did.

I had tried to warn her. I really did.

They never listen!

So I fart, I tell her I farted, she claps and immediately scoops great heaping handfuls of it to her face, thinking I suppose, that it would be a dainty lady-like waft of rose scented air.

WRONG. It was the worst thing I have ever smelt. Ever.

She gasped, eyes bugging out of her head, hands clawing the air like she was buried alive and had to dig her way out. This I of course found so hilarious I almost didn't make it to the bathroom to pee. (almost).

I have never laughed so hard in my life. So now we fart. Every Friday and sometimes in the car. We always laugh our asses off. It's like being 8 again.

Maybe next I will see if I like to play with worms again. Who knows maybe I've come full circle.

For those of you who enjoy farts.. I will include a lovely little link to all sorts of farty stuff!

  • farts and stuff
  • Wednesday, May 11, 2005

    I am the mad blog censor...

    Okay. So my husband posts this quite amusing little blog today about my hair. I go in and make my usual sarcastic comments and threaten to tell the real story here. (He made me look quite bitchy I thought). He sees my comments and IM's me at work and asks me if I am mad.

    The clincher is, my boss happened to be in the room at the time and I couldn't respond so I quickly minimized and closed out of messenger. I suppose this was around 3:50pm this afternoon. I called him as soon as I hit the road and explained that I wasn't mad at all and filled him in on the entire story.

    He had already pulled the post though.

    I hope I haven't soured him on blogging forever.

    By the way, my hair really does look atrocious. WAY too blonde. I am SO fixing it as soon as possible. But hey, they can't all be winners right ???

    Useless quiz alert ....

    I'm A 1970s Geek
    You've decided for the world that it's time for a change. JOIN THE GEEK REVOLUTION!
    find your geek decade at spacefem.com

    Now...I wonder if that means I am OLD enough to be a 70's geek.. or just that I only know enough about technology to bring me up to par on the 1970's level.


    Tuesday, May 10, 2005

    And now for something completely different....

    For lack of anything interesting enough to write about going on in my life at the moment, I am going to tell you all about the first time I met my husband. ( I know, I know y'all can barely contain your excitement...)

    NOW for a little pre-meeting history:

    We met in Excite Chat. For those of you who frequented Excite, you
    will remember it fondly, for those of you who have never heard of it,
    it was a great free chat. I haven't been able to find anything like it
    since it closed. There are some great chats out there, but none
    approximate the 'feel' that existed in Excite...BUT,I digress... I am rambling.

    The night I met Dave started out like any other, I had done my regular home stuff, the kids were in bed; and I was just settling in for a nice night of chatting. I loaded up excite and waited untill a spot opened up in the room so I could enter. I got my little avatar in there and landed smack dab on top of Dave....I couldn't move to save my life. He to this day claims that I landed on him on purpose and stayed there because I wanted so desperately to talk to him and that was the only thing I could think of to open a conversation with.

    ~ whatever gets him through the night.

    We were both with other people at the time IRL and although Dave and I started out as friends and just enjoyed joking around and playing online games, it quickly turned into something more. I was wary though, I knew I 'thought' I had feelings for him but who knew if they would translate into real life or if I was just making him into what I thought I wanted in my head.

    So we proposed a meeting.

    He would fly up to Buffalo NY and meet me on the Canadian side of the Falls. I concocted this story to tell my then-boyfriend (also named Dave, although there really is NO comparison) about a weekend retreat some of the girls from work and I were going on.

    BACK OFF.... I never said I was perfect! (in defense of myself I actually was just trying to avoid hurting Canadian Dave in case this US Dave turned out to not be what I thought. - Doesn't sound that great even now when I say it.... )

    Anyway, he found out about the meeting prior to it actually happening and agreed to let me go anyway. And before you say "awww what a nice guy, he must have really loved her to let her go like that". Let me just say he was not a lonely boy that weekend, so any pining he may or may not have been doing; he did while parking his salami in someone else's weenie-cozy.


    That brings us to the day of meeting... I went and had my hair done, nails done, packed up the car and headed out to Niagara Falls. I lived about 45 minutes from there so TRUST me when I say I got there PLENTY early. 4 hours early to be exact.

    Plenty early = way too much time to stress myself out!

    I checked in, unpacked a bit, freshened make-up and hair, fussed with the room some more, had a drink (chocolate martini) to calm the nerves. (and because they are bloody delicious!)

    Looked at the clock...2 more hours to kill. SHIT.

    Had another chocolate martini and decided to go down to the lobby to scope out the perfect place to arrange myself for the big "first look". You know, I wanted to look calm, cool, and impossibly seductive. We picked a 5 star hotel for our rendezvous. I had never stayed in a 5 star hotel before, but I now know.... I want to be buried in one. It was heavenly!

    The Marriot, 14th floor, jacuzzi room, overlooking the falls.

    1.5 hours had passed by this time, I was on my 3rd Chocolate Martini, (no, I am not a lush...just scared shitless). I had finally found the perfect spot in the lobby, I had bought and consumed 3 packages of certs in the hotel store (noone wants the first kiss to be marred by stale martini and cigarette breath!).

    Five more minutes till he was due.

    SHIT what was I thinking, I don't look cool here!!! I look too eager! I am losing major cool points! I frantically scan the lobby looking for a more appropriate spot - when I see the curving staircase that winds in front of the 4 story
    windows looking out over the main drive... AHAH! perfect! I can see him before he sees me!!

    I make a mad dash for the stairs... I leap up them 3 at a time, I only have 3 minutes left!!!!

    A bus pulls in from the airport, I stand there both hands pressed against the glass, confident that up here, I will see him first.. I can always run if he lied and isn't what I thought. Right ??? The bus empties...there is noone left but the driver.. I press my nose against the glass leaving a small smear of makeup on the otherwise pristine surface.

    Maybe he chickened out? I close my eyes... maybe that wasn't his bus. Maybe he missed the bus. Maybe.....

    A limousine pulls in, a super-stretch... white ... HUGE. I had no more time to think to myself, "what kind of pretentious ass takes a stretch limo from the airport?", when out steps Dave.

    I knew him instantly.

    He takes his bag from the driver and turns, here comes my first look at him (the pretentious ass), I hold my breath. He is almost completely facing me now, I squint and press my nose harder against the glass, almost completely forcing myself THROUGH the glass to see him in detail.


    That's right. UP.

    AT ME. Nose pressed up against the glass, (probably flattened), hands pressed palm-flat, against the glass. Looking decidedly UNCOOL. Four hours of strategic first view placement planning shot to hell.

    And THAT my friends, will forever be his first memory of me.


    I am such a geek.

    Sunday, May 08, 2005

    Just another Saturday night...

    It started out that way. My husband who is a HUGE gamer geek, (and I use the term lovingly) was happily off to his regular bi-monthly game of d&d and I, I had just settled in to my laundry. My 14-year-old son was out and with the exception of my pain-in-the-ass dog (who shall from now on be referred to as THE URINATOR), I was alone. It was then that the phone rang, it was my brother-in-law - or as my husband lovingly refers to him as "the attention whore". What ensued was a relatively normal conversation for AW; him ranting that it was going to take 10 years for him to get out of this mess and how this person or that person (usually his ex-wife) did this to him or that to him -funny how it is always someone else. At any rate, a perfectly normal conversation for AW which went on for about 20 minutes and then ended.

    Ahhhh back to my laundry. I managed to get a load in, turn the dishwasher on and settle in for a lovely evening of blog hopping when the phone shrills again.

    I sigh, I get up and go searching for it; It is taunting me, hiding from me in whatever place I dropped it last. - if only I could remember where the hell that was.

    The deck.

    I grab it just before the answering machine picks up and pant "hello?"
    Silence. I say hello again, preparing to hang up the phone and return to you, my lovely bloggy people when I hear AW say: "help me. Lisa. Help me" followed by some pretty genuine sounding sobs.

    me: AW, (I don't really call him this but for the sake of anonymity that's how you shall know him) what is going on? What's wrong?
    AW: Help me please
    me: I can't possibly help you if I don't know what the problem is...(slightly impatient because dammit, I want to blog!).
    AW: I can't find Mom, noone is around..help me.

    The line goes dead.


    I call him back and get voice mail. I hate voice mail. I call my Mother-in-law, she isn't there.


    I call my husband to find out what he thinks I should do. (Before you judge my husband on his following response, you should know that this is not AW's first foray into the dramatic, nor his second, or even his third. This is bullshit scene numero quattro- that is FOUR. I believe the rule is: three strikes and you're out.)

    Me: fills in husband of situation
    Husband: Fuck him. Don't get involved in his bullshit.
    Me: honey, I think I should go there and at least make sure he hasn't hurt himself. If (God forbid) he actually did do something and died... I would never be able to live with myself. You wouldn't either. I think I have to go.
    Husband: This is what he does. Why do you think he called you instead of me, he has my number. Don't get dragged in Lis, he's a grown man. This is bullshit.

    - I am totally paraphrasing but you get the gist. If I could regurgitate conversation ver batim, I would be an actor or something.

    I call my son at his friend's house and tell him to get his ass home it's a family emergency and call my friend HR - because I sure as hell don't want to go there by myself.

    Son at home and HR firmly ensconced in the passenger seat of my little red car, we head off. I have only been there once - to help him move his stuff out after a tiff with ex-girlfriend who took up residence in between bouts with ex-wife - she lasted 7 weeks.

    Surprisingly, I found it with relative ease and park my little red shitbox behind his brand new SUV and head up the stairs to the front door - which is conveniently ajar. It is dim in his house and it takes my eyes a moment to adjust. When they finally do; I see him - face down on the kitchen floor, not moving.

    I go over and poke him. (hey, I am not a professional - poking works for me.) He doesn't move. I look around the kitchen, there are no less than five empty bottles of vodka - in Canada we call them Mickies... I am still unsure of the correct boozy terminology for that sized bottle in the US but it's the little one. The one you can get like 8 mixed drinks out of or maybe 9 shots?

    There is an empty bottle of pills lying on the floor beside his out-stretched arm , with the cap lying a few feet further out from that. I pick up the bottle. Sonata- a sleeping pill. On the counter we have....Ativan - an anti-anxiety medication. Neither of which I am sure should be chased with straight vodka.

    I call 911. I explain my situation and give her the address. She asks me to poke him and see if i can rouse him (POKE HIM!!! ahah! I SO should have been a doctor!). I poke him. HARD.

    He grunts.

    Me: He grunted
    911 operator: I heard him

    How's that for scintillating conversation?

    I roll him over on his side so he doesn't puke and choke on it - tasty. And I wait.

    3 minutes later I hear the sirens. Lots of them. 2 firetrucks, 4 police cars and 1 ambulance to be precise. How's that for low drama?

    *abbreviated version* - they ask, they do, they search, they remove AW to the closest hospital. I follow.

    My husband has during all of this cancelled his game and is driving full speed out to AW's house. For those of you that game, you know cancelling out on a game = an extremely foul mood to begin with.

    I tell him I have it handled. He growls at me. Turns out, he was coming out there for me, not for AW. He didn't want his psycho brother to kill me. I do so love that man.

    Husband turns around and heads back to hospital in lieu of house (since the house is now vacated).

    I get to the hospital sign him in, give his information and play the *hurry up and wait game*. My stomach growls. Shit. I haven't eaten yet. Husband/Hero gets there and we wait some more. HR takes my car home, picks up my son some dinner and goes about her Saturday night. My husband and I wait.

    "Girlfriend-In-The-Wings" (the girl who is allowed in his life when he currently isn't with someone else ) shows up and we fill her in. For the record, she is BY FAR the best of the three and I wish he would see her for her good qualities - but hey it's not up to me. - And the three of us wait.

    I finally get a hold of my Mother-in-Law and fill her in. She is on her way. And we wait. My MIL shows up with Father-in-Law in tow, we fill him in. And we wait.

    O. And Happy Mother's Day. Nice timing AW. Nice timing.

    *condensed version* My MIL is just as frustrated and worn out with this situation as my husband. She has been worn ragged by this, both financially and emotionally. She is a wonderful person and doesn't deserve this. Nobody does, but especially not her. Not on Mother's day. Not on any day, but especially not on Mother's day.

    She doesn't coddle him as she has on the previous episodes, My husband doesn't coddle him. The doctors and Police don't coddle him. He gets no coddling. I am sure he is surprised because the previous trips involved much coddling. I'll bet he misses the coddling.

    He is now in the psychiatric wing for a week-long vacation from reality. He is SURE that he read something about coddling in the vacation brochure. He is definately complaining to the management.

    AW to his Mother this morning: But...what about my job? I don't want to lose my job.

    Realistically, if you are trying to kill yourself...are you THAT concerned about keeping your job?

    Just another Saturday night.

    and I still have laundry to do.

    You can read my husband's version:
  • here
  • Friday, May 06, 2005

    Even my dog shits on my green thumb....

    First let me preface this by saying: I am death to all plants...All of them. Some of them may think they are invincible. Wrong. They just haven't met me. In fact, it is so bad that when my husband and I go grocery shopping together and I even deign to slow down and admire some small houseplant en route to the vegetable section; he immediately goes into 'channel the plant' mode and pretends to be talking as the plant. Shaking with fear, 'oh please don't pick me, I am too young to die, I've not yet begun to live... pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase no'.

    Never mind that I love plants, that I buy them with the best of intentions, that I follow the directions on the little plastic instruction post that comes with all plants; I kill them all.

    All that is, except for my tulip bulbs that my Mother-In-Law bought me. I planted them, kept them warm all winter and guarded them from squirrels. In spring, I swelled with pride as they woke up and began to bloom. A deep shade of violent red. Beautiful.

    I was proud. They were my Frankenstein. I had created life where none was before. I felt the green in my thumb begin to awaken and even the plants in the grocery store didn't quake with fear when I passed.

    My dog. (whom I love very much in spite of wanting to kill him 9 times a day) will circle the back yard five times every morning looking for the perfect spot to do his duty. It's a ritual. Five times around the yard. Sniffing this bush, poking that shrub. He will raise his leg at least 3 times and change his mind in mid-lift and move on...having decided I guess, that that particular bush did not deserve his juice.

    He finally settles on the far corner of the yard. My tulips. He raises his leg, looks back at me, I run to the edge of the deck, arms outstretched, shouting 'Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! BAD DOG!'. He SMILED. I swear! and proceeded to let loose his stream of golden plant death.

    BAD BAD BAD dog! You have a myriad of other bushes and plants to select .... WHY the tulips. I can see them begin to wither before my eyes.

    Then he turns around 4 times, looks at me again and SHITS.


    Even my dog shits on my green thumb.

    Thursday, May 05, 2005

    mwah hah haaaaaaaaaaahhhh

    I just knew I was nice!!! now I have concrete evidence to show my husband.

    mmmmmm ...bubbles

    ok. Get your minds out of the gutter! I am currently listening to Michael Buble on my CD player. Which is great. A) because dude can sing. B) because he is Canadian (you can take the girl out of Canada but you can't take the Canada out of the girl). & C) because I am going to see him in concert! yes, that's right the bubblemeister is coming here to KC! o happy day!

    So, I am asking you this: what is the best concert you have ever seen? I have to admit to being somewhat of a concert virgin. (My mother was pretty strict). I will say however, that of the two concerts I have been to thus far at least one of them was Pink Floyd. - I think that should count as 3 concerts to bring my total up to 4 =)

    The other was David Wilcox - who I am sure all you Canucks will appreciate...although I don't think he was ever huge in the US.

    The Floyd concert was incidently my first and only foray into the world of natural hallucinogens. (that is another story however).

    So dish it : Best concert ever ....what was it for you?

    Wednesday, May 04, 2005

    What kind are you ?

    I am a d12

    Take the quiz at dicepool.com

    You are the rare, the overlooked, yet incredibly useful dodecahedron: the d12. You are a creative, romantic soul. You often act without thinking, but make up for your lack of plans with plenty of heart. You easily solve problems that stump others, but your answers tend to put you into even deeper trouble. You write long, detailed backgrounds for all your characters, and are most likely to dress up as one or get involved in cos-play. You can be silly at times and are easily distracted by your own day dreams, but are at the end of the day you're someone who can be depended on.

    I "borrowed" this from Mr. Underhill I hope he won't mind.... I thought my husband would get a kick out of it....

    cell-phones, curlers, crabs & cars

    What are ....things that don't go together Alex. Driving to work today, I happen to come out of my daily driving coma long enough to glance over at the car in the next lane over. It was some sort of Mercedez-something-or-other & add a number to the end of it. Lovely car if you can justify paying more for a car than my current home costs I guess. Out of curiosity I look at the driver. Mid-40's shoulder-length blonde (not sure if it was real or not.. but am leaning towards no) hair, well-dressed. Just what you would expect in a Mercedez-something-or-other & add a number to the end of it type car.

    What I did not expect was this: She had curlers in her hair ( a lot of them) the only reason I know her hair was shoulder length was because she was in the process of removing them so one curler was out already, the lone freed curl bouncing about as if to taunt the remaining prisoners of pink-curler hell. She was craning her neck up and slightly to the right to apply mascara to her left set of lashes. While cupping her cell phone between her right shoulder and her head, she was gesturing wildly with the mascara wand obviously very crabby at whomever she was talking to.

    She places the mascara wand on the dash of her car, yanks out another curler, hurls it to the back seat and takes up the wand again, furiously slashing at her eyelashes like they were the object of her wrath.

    All the while driving with her knees.

    That's right....her knees.

    I shake my head. This is why women driver's have a bad reputation. Women like that. All women should drive like me I think smugly to myself. You would never catch me doing all that while driving a car - no way ! I am responsible!

    It was then, full of self-righteous smugness; that I almost slammed into the car in front of me.

    Moral of the story: if you see a woman doing all that while driving a $180, 000.000 car, don't spend any time staring at her - she is obviously a much more accomplished driver than you are or she never would have attempted it.

    Hell, I couldn't even think about her without almost causing a 3-car pile up.

    Point taken ~

    Tuesday, May 03, 2005

    a snippet of my life...

    ok. so. i cautiously extend a link to my fledgling blog to my husband Dave and then sit upstairs in my office chewing my nails, hoping he likes it. hoping he thinks i can rite good. (shudders)

    i fish dinner out of the oven, serve it up and call him and my son to the table. i made meatloaf, not his favorite thing but hell, we are trying to live on a budget - what can i say? here is the conversation that ensued :

    him: you know it's not that i don't like meatloaf. it's that i don't like my mother's meatloaf. yours is pretty good.
    me: well good. 'cause it's what we're having for dinner tommorow night too.
    him: i'll eat whatever you put in front of me.
    me: i am SO going to remember you said that

    * at this point i am mentally conjuring up future meals in my head, you know, like liver (which he hates and i happen to love) or experimental meals with lots of mushrooms (which he says i put in everything) < i don't by the way. not anything dessert-ish.*

    so i then ask him: did you really like my blog or are you just trying to save my delicate feelings?
    him: well, i am all about guarding your sensitive feelings but yes, i really like it, it's funny. i liked your meatloaf didn't i?

    WTF ????? now i am pondering if he 'liked' my meatloaf or was just saving my feelings....

    argh. i do so love him though, even when i want to beat him about the head with left-over meatloaf.

    check out his blog! he's quite amusing.

    cartoon clouds

    I was driving home from work and happened to notice the clouds. They looked exactly like the clouds in the opening blurb of the Simpsons. You know, blue sky dotted with white fluffy bits of cotton. What a perfect day. I then proceeded to auto-pilot home. Do you ever do that? Start thinking about things and just kind of go into robot mode. I do. Everyday on the highway. Then I remember I am driving on the highway and zone back in and realize I have driven 1/4 of the way home without realizing. I'm surprised I'm still here.

    I have dinner in the oven, a freshly opened can of diet coke in front of me and I am ready to divulge what I was pondering on the way home. Ready? Here it comes... open marriages.

    We have a friend, (actually he is my husband's friend) who is currently in one. To the outsider it sounds all sorts of exciting ... I mean what better solution to keep someone faithful but the permission to 'not' be faithful. It kind of kills two birds with one stone really. You get to have the security of commitment and the haven of home and hearth with the freedom to explore your options.

    Well hell, why don't we all do it?

    Here comes the clincher. I love the thought of the chase, the butterflies, the 'new relationship smell', the anticipation... all of that.

    Here's what I hate.... the thought of my husband with his cock in someone else feeling all those things for someone else.

    Wonder if open relationships can be one-sided? hah!

    I think that most women... and I say most because I am sure that there are some out there, *gestures wildly towards the office window and the world beyond- that feel differently*... get on some level, mentally attached to people we fuck. It's an emotional thing. we see the possibilities, the promise of ...more? Maybe it works for men differently but I dont think so because I asked our friend this weekend how he would feel if it were his wife out with another man on a Saturday night with the potential for __________< insert descriptive word of choice for 'fucking' there. And he said he wouldn't like it. To this comment I merely arched an eyebrow at him and continued driving. ( I do so dislike double standards)

    Interesting. Maybe men fuck emotionally too. Maybe we aren't all that different. So for now, I suppose I would call my marriage closed. But after 15 + years of marriage maybe it too will be open. Who knows.

    Monday, May 02, 2005

    shit for charity....

    So I have this friend...no, really. She is hmmm.... peculiar. Which is ironic, because she lives in Peculiar. She doesn't like to try new things. I am all about trying new things - I mean not even restaurants she hasn't been to before. (THAT level of not being adventurous!) so when she suggests we go to the casino and try the buffet there on one of our regular friday night dinners, I am of course...shocked and excited. ( I would like to point out that normally it takes more than the prospect of an all-you-can eat hodown to get me excited but my friendship with HR has somewhat lowered my excitement threshold).

    We get off the highway and slow down at the end of the ramp to make the turn onto casino-way. While stopped at the light I notice a woman at the corner with a sign. I can't remember now what it said but insert some generic plea for money for food or some such thing and we can get back to the point of the story. From the car in front of us I see an arm extend out the window with a dollar bill attached to it and the woman eagerly shuffles over and removes the dollar, shoving it into her bra (or safety deposit box strapped to her chest).

    I am rattling through my purse trying to find a dollar, all I have is 20's and a 10. I look over at HR and am about to ask her for something smaller when she says...."roll up your window."

    HUH? quoi? how am I to pass the woman money through the glass? "but I am going to give her some money, hang on." I say, and continue to push aside lip gloss and pens looking for the dollar I am JUST SURE is in there somewhere.

    I give up and hand her a 10. She smiles like I am the second coming of Christ and toddles off to do whatever it is 10 dollars (well, 11 if you count car # 1's donation) will allow her to. I press the button and window whirrrs to the upright, closed position.

    I smile to myself. I feel good. I did a good thing. Turning to HR, waiting for the praise and adulation for my generosity that I am just positive is about to come out of her mouth.... I notice the look on her face.

    I have feeling it's not going to be praise coming out.

    HR for the record is also the queen of candy-coating so she never actually voiced her disgust with me outloud. But for whatever else you have to love her wonderfully expressive face. She didn't NEED to say a word.

    So I guess my question is this: if you are more than 50% sure that the recipient of said charity is going to do something self-destructive or irresponsible with the donation.... does it make it not in fact charitable? Am I evil for giving the woman $10?

    Here's my advice... buy this CD > lazyboy tv.... and listen to the song "underwear goes outside the pants". But for those of you who haven't heard it.... I'm sure there is one or two of you out there..... here's the words (no, not ALL of them...just the pertinent ones)

    'this homeless guy asked me for some money the other day and i was gonna give it to him but then i thought you're just gonna use it on drugs or alcohol and then i thought that's what i'm gonna use it on, why am i judging this poor bastard. People love to judge homeless guys. like, you're giving him money, he's just going to waste it, he's just going to waste the money. well, he lives in a box what do you want him to do with it? save up and buy a wall unit take a little run to the store for a throw rug and a cd rack - he's homeless.'

    For the purposes of this post I am totally equating drugs and alcohol to an all-you-can eat buffet. Think about it. Do I need to eat all I can eat for 19.99 ? Hell no, but it tastes good and makes me happy and even better, I get to eat all sorts of cool stuff and there is NO clean up involved. It's a rush. So is drugs and alcohol.

    So HR. I love you my little neurotic friend but I like to help people and when I have an extra 10 bucks don't wrinkle your brow at me. It could have been anyone of us.

    99 things...

    1. My name is Lisa.
    2. I used to spell it Lysa, until I realized that I was 35 and that was distinctly 15-year-old behavior and I should probably grow up.
    3. I am not quite grown up yet.
    4. I made a huge mistake when I was 15 and lied to a good friend.
    5. I still regret it.
    6. I speak 3 languages.
    7. Privately, I think that makes me pretty cool.
    8. I down play how cool I think it actually is so I don't seem full of myself.
    9. I stole a rubic's cube key-chain when I was 12 and got caught.
    10. I stole a few more things after that and didn't get caught.
    11. I haven't stolen anything in over 15 years.
    12. I guess I am more grown up than I thought.
    13. I don't think that humans are by nature monogamous creatures.
    14. I am too blunt.
    15. I hitch-hiked to Florida from Toronto when I was 16.
    16. I wouldn't hitch-hike to the corner store now.
    17. I have been in love 4 times.
    18. I thought I was in love many more times than that.
    19. Stupid people piss me off.
    20. I get really, really pissed off when I do something stupid.
    21. I smoke.... cigarrettes.
    22. I have smoked.... other things.
    23. I no longer do... I wasn't very good at it.
    24. I am Canadian.
    25. I live in the US.
    26. I have mixed loyalties. I love things about both countries.
    27. I miss Tim Horton's.
    28. I really miss poutine.
    29. I have a lot of acquaintances here but only one friend.
    30. The rest belonged to my husband first and I think he would keep them in the event of a divorce.
    31. My mother and I were never close.
    32. I think I was a big disappointment to her.
    33. Fortunately, my mother-in-law thinks I am great.
    34. I think she's pretty great too.
    35. My husband is smarter than I am.
    36. That pisses me off. I am used to being the smart one.
    37. I guess I just used to date dumb guys.
    38. I met my husband on the internet.
    39. I met 5 other guys on the internet before I found him.
    40. This really is harder than I thought.
    41. I should think more before I speak.
    42. That probably won't happen.
    43. But at least you will always know what I really think.
    44. I can cook.
    45. I don't like to clean up after I cook though.
    46. But I do it because my husband likes to clean less than I do.
    47. I have a really good job.
    48. I sometimes wonder how the hell I got it.
    49. My guilty pleasure is raw cookie dough.
    50. I actually pretend I am going to make the cookies when I buy it.
    51. I never do.
    52. I don't say 'eh' anymore.
    53. I still think it though.
    54. I love hockey. My husband loves me enough to buy the NHL package for me so I can see the Leafs - every game.
    55. I was pissed there was no season.
    56. I used to raid my mother's liquor cabinet and pour a bit from every bottle into a mason jar. We called it Jungle Juice. Ainse will remember this.
    57. I would kill my son if he ever tries this with my alcohol.
    58. I am more devious than my mother was... I think I will catch him.
    59. I always plan to live more healthily.... starting next Monday.
    60. Next Monday never comes.
    61. Time goes quicker and quicker every year.
    62. I wish I knew then what I know now.
    63. I am a good friend.
    64. I could be a better one.
    65. My current favorite Music is - Jack Johnson ~ In between Dreams
    66. No one favorite song... I love the whole album. get it. you will love it too.
    67. I married my best friend.
    68. You should marry your best friend.
    69. I am neither a dog person nor a cat person.
    70. I have both.
    71. I sing badly - worse than Ainse.
    72. I sing anyway.
    73. I dance even worse than I sing.
    74. I have a good laugh.
    75. I wish I laughed more.
    76. I think I will.
    77. I have the ugliest feet in the world.
    78. I wear sandals anyway. and paint my toenails.
    79. I do not wear toe rings. they hurt.
    80. I do not wear thongs. they hurt. plus I don't have the ass for them.
    81. I have been told I have a phone sex voice.
    82. I like that people think my voice is sexy.
    83. I don't tell them its from smoking a pack a day for 20+ years.
    84. Let them think I am naturally sexy.
    85. Just kidding. I do tell them it's from smoking.
    86. I have a tattoo.
    87. I went to boarding school.
    88. My mother said it was a complete waste of money.
    89. Except for my vocabulary. She said that may have made it worthwhile.
    90. I don't have the heart to tell her I got that from reading.
    91. Which I could have done for a lot less money than she shelled out for Private school.
    93. I was adopted.
    94. I bet my birth-mother wouldn't have been disappointed in me.
    95. My mother is a doctor.
    96. She speaks 7 languages.
    97. Hard to live up to that.
    98. Now you know more about me.

    *thieved this idea from binsk & Heather*
    I promise I will link when I think I am worthy.

    99. I never break promises.

    Sunday, May 01, 2005

    am I addicted ..... ?

    I am reluctant to admit that I spent my entire Sunday.... the day I should be cleaning the house and preparing for the coming week - reading Heather's blog. what a totally fascinating chick. I SO want to set her up with like every cool guy friend I have just so I can hang out with her and gab. Any-hoo... I have stolen yet another cool thing from her site, I am sure she will be thrilled to note I am older than her and she is still more *slutty* than I am... and I used to be a pretty big slut.

    Cupid - Free Online Dating and Match

    I got married though. I think my husband wishes I was more of a slut.


    Have you ever wondered what people would think if you just said what you REALLY think?

    I am not talking about the candy-coated version of it that most people regurgitate to seem politically correct. I mean the first thing you think in your head...unedited...out of your mouth it comes version.

    I think people would think I was insane. Or at the very least - a total fucking bitch. They tell me I am sometimes too blunt now. (If only they knew.)

    So - I had an interesting evening last night. I went to a strip club with my good friend HR. Presumably for her to shop for a new set of boobs. Realistically, for her to experiment in her bi-sexuality. She hasn't admitted it. Not even to herself. Which makes it even more amusing to watch.

    I will have to say thank the LORD for BV. He saved my bacon - literally. While HR was off "not" being a lesbian. We actually managed to have a good time. Great conversation. Hot guy. Smart Guy. Funny Guy. 2 thumbs up in my opinion. I'd actually give him 3 if I had another one.

    Here's how I ended my evening - allowing the truth to come out of my mouth instead of candy-coating. I told HR exactly what I thought of her ignoring us completely all evening and chasing tail. It was her birthday. She should be allowed a little action without babysitting me. ah well. My husband tells me I have no off swtich on my mouth.

    most people call it blunt.
    I like to call it refreshing.

    I am not quite ready to link this site to any other cool people blogs. which is not to say that I don't read them - i do. I am just trying to figure out if I can hold my own with them before I allow anyone to find this drivel through anything other than random chance (heh).

    having said that. My new favorite blog is definately- unequivocably - (thus far) Explosive Laughter. So kudos to you Heather. you can write. and having given you kudos...... I stole this little nerd-o-meter from your site because I think its cool.

    so thanks eh!

    I am nerdier than 41% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

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