You aren't who I thought you were.
Have you ever done something that you wish with every fiber in your being that you could undo? I did. I am 35 years old, and I still think about this. I alluded to it in my 99 things list. Now I think it's time to come clean. Well, maybe not clean because the parties involved know the score; But it is definitely time for a public apology. Maybe if he realizes that I still feel badly about it he can forgive me.
I was 16 years old. I was in boarding school and it was our big 'formal' dance. I had been set up with a friend of a friend's boyfriend. Let's just say that when you don't live in town you don't know many boys. So I went with him, I really wanted to go to the dance, I didn't particularly care with who.
We didn't hit it off. I think he had a crush on his friend's girlfriend and only agreed to go out with me so he could hang out with her. That's fine. I only went with him because I had a crush on GL and he was going to be there. I believe at the after party we went to we both said something to each other to that effect because he said I couldn't get GL to even look at me anyway and I told him he was pining over his best friend's girlfriend and was a huge scumbag. (Hey I never said my wit was razor-sharp in high school!)
A few cocktails later the evening culminated in him daring me to go and get GL if I liked him so much. So I did. We actually left that evening together and had somewhat of a relationship after that for about five weeks. I say somewhat because what the relationship consisted of was him calling me over when he was "in the mood" and me running over all starry eyed, thinking he must really love me. blah blah blah .
Side note. At the time I had this friend, Christopher. He was great. I guess he liked me but at the time I only saw GL. Christopher was the kind of guy that would write me silly notes and when I was upset about GL he would drive over to the boarding house and bring me silly things (like a neon pink hula hoop) to cheer me up. He took me to my first drive in movie. I had mentioned during one of our talks, that I had never been to one and wouldn't it be horrible if I died having never gone to a drive in. That weekend he took me. We saw a double feature, Sylvester Stallone was in it...but I don't remember what the movie was. We had popcorn fights and talked and laughed. And then he drove me home to my mother's house. (a two hour drive for him)
Another dance came along and I was all excited. I spent ages getting ready. GL was coming. I hadn't seen him in almost a week and well, you know how young love is. My friends and I were waiting for what seemed like hours...but really he showed up about 20 minutes after the dance started. With his new girlfriend. Le ouch.
To make a long story slightly less long, I will give you the abbreviated version: One of my friends came up with the idea to make GL think he had gotten me pregnant, I can't believe that I even entertained the idea much less went along with it. I mean seriously???? What the hell did I think would happen? He would realize the error of his ways and suddenly want to be with me? What a moron I was.
Christopher found out about my supposed pregnancy and came and picked me up at the boarding school. He took me for coffee and was impossibly sweet. He told me he would be there for me no matter what I decided. I lasted about five minutes or three sips of coffee before I blurted out the truth.
He was silent. For about 10 minutes I guess, but it seemed like an hour. And then he said "I'm glad that you aren't pregnant, no one should have to go through that, especially not with someone who doesn't care about them properly. But I don't think that I can talk to you anymore. You aren't who I thought you were."
You aren't who I thought you were.
He walked out and I haven't talked to him since. About a year after that, I was no longer in private school and as luck would have it a friend of mine at my new school turned out to be his cousin. I talked her into throwing a party and inviting him down. I missed his letters. I missed him.
I spent ages making sure I looked perfect for our reunion. We were downstairs having drinks when the door bell rang. It was him. LD went upstairs and let him in...I could see his feet as he came down the stairs, then his coat, then his face. Oh how I had missed that face!
He was smiling and talking to my friend. He stopped talking when he saw me. Stopped talking and stopped coming down the stairs. He turned around and went back up the stairs and out of the house. Out of my life. I haven't seen him since.
You aren't who I thought you were.
I see him saying those words to me every time I look in the mirror. He is the reason I do my best to never lie. I never want to hear anyone I care about say those words to me again. EVER.
So in case you ever read this Christopher Race Davis ... I am sorry. I have regretted doing what I did for almost 20 years now, and for what it's worth, I wasn't who I thought I was either.
I was 16 years old. I was in boarding school and it was our big 'formal' dance. I had been set up with a friend of a friend's boyfriend. Let's just say that when you don't live in town you don't know many boys. So I went with him, I really wanted to go to the dance, I didn't particularly care with who.
We didn't hit it off. I think he had a crush on his friend's girlfriend and only agreed to go out with me so he could hang out with her. That's fine. I only went with him because I had a crush on GL and he was going to be there. I believe at the after party we went to we both said something to each other to that effect because he said I couldn't get GL to even look at me anyway and I told him he was pining over his best friend's girlfriend and was a huge scumbag. (Hey I never said my wit was razor-sharp in high school!)
A few cocktails later the evening culminated in him daring me to go and get GL if I liked him so much. So I did. We actually left that evening together and had somewhat of a relationship after that for about five weeks. I say somewhat because what the relationship consisted of was him calling me over when he was "in the mood" and me running over all starry eyed, thinking he must really love me. blah blah blah .
Side note. At the time I had this friend, Christopher. He was great. I guess he liked me but at the time I only saw GL. Christopher was the kind of guy that would write me silly notes and when I was upset about GL he would drive over to the boarding house and bring me silly things (like a neon pink hula hoop) to cheer me up. He took me to my first drive in movie. I had mentioned during one of our talks, that I had never been to one and wouldn't it be horrible if I died having never gone to a drive in. That weekend he took me. We saw a double feature, Sylvester Stallone was in it...but I don't remember what the movie was. We had popcorn fights and talked and laughed. And then he drove me home to my mother's house. (a two hour drive for him)
Another dance came along and I was all excited. I spent ages getting ready. GL was coming. I hadn't seen him in almost a week and well, you know how young love is. My friends and I were waiting for what seemed like hours...but really he showed up about 20 minutes after the dance started. With his new girlfriend. Le ouch.
To make a long story slightly less long, I will give you the abbreviated version: One of my friends came up with the idea to make GL think he had gotten me pregnant, I can't believe that I even entertained the idea much less went along with it. I mean seriously???? What the hell did I think would happen? He would realize the error of his ways and suddenly want to be with me? What a moron I was.
Christopher found out about my supposed pregnancy and came and picked me up at the boarding school. He took me for coffee and was impossibly sweet. He told me he would be there for me no matter what I decided. I lasted about five minutes or three sips of coffee before I blurted out the truth.
He was silent. For about 10 minutes I guess, but it seemed like an hour. And then he said "I'm glad that you aren't pregnant, no one should have to go through that, especially not with someone who doesn't care about them properly. But I don't think that I can talk to you anymore. You aren't who I thought you were."
You aren't who I thought you were.
He walked out and I haven't talked to him since. About a year after that, I was no longer in private school and as luck would have it a friend of mine at my new school turned out to be his cousin. I talked her into throwing a party and inviting him down. I missed his letters. I missed him.
I spent ages making sure I looked perfect for our reunion. We were downstairs having drinks when the door bell rang. It was him. LD went upstairs and let him in...I could see his feet as he came down the stairs, then his coat, then his face. Oh how I had missed that face!
He was smiling and talking to my friend. He stopped talking when he saw me. Stopped talking and stopped coming down the stairs. He turned around and went back up the stairs and out of the house. Out of my life. I haven't seen him since.
You aren't who I thought you were.
I see him saying those words to me every time I look in the mirror. He is the reason I do my best to never lie. I never want to hear anyone I care about say those words to me again. EVER.
So in case you ever read this Christopher Race Davis ... I am sorry. I have regretted doing what I did for almost 20 years now, and for what it's worth, I wasn't who I thought I was either.
posted by Lisa at 9:40 PM
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