An interesting thing I have noticed .....

about my mother.

all my life, I have been a huge disappointment to her. I guess that in all her inherent brilliance one basic fact has eluded her lo these many years. I am adopted.

Yes that's right. No access to the family gene pool. I didn't even dip my toes in.

So how she can have constantly compared me to my cousins (her brother's two perfect children..) and found me lacking... I will never, ever .... understand.

and I know that some of you are saying... there is no such thing as perfect children...HOWEVER you do not know my cousins. They are indeed as close an approximation as possible to perfection that has ever existed: both gorgeous, never got in trouble, he is an electrical engineer, she is a professor. and for interests sake, uncle is an engineer, and aunt is a professor. Talk about tightly knit genetics! - by this definition, I should have been a doctor =)

So for years, I made bad choices in careers, men and I suppose just life in general. I remember being really excited about one particular guy that I had been dating and calling my mother up to tell her all about him....

ME: Mom, this guys is totally different than the others, he's so great I just know you will love him! (gush gush gag... puke)
Mom: (sighing)... well you know Lisa, I am sure he's fine.
Me: well, why don't we get together, you and V* (her husband)....maybe for dinner?
Mom: I'd rather not, why don't we wait six months, and if you are still with him...maybe then we can talk about dinner...


(never mind that she was right about THAT particular guy....that is not the point people!)

talk about expecting your children to fail without ever even giving them the benefit of the doubt! OUCH!

So the months and years passed and I kind of had a little pattern going of messing up and my mother had a little pattern going of bailing my ass out =)

Then I met Dave.

I still remember the conversation over lunch and my trying to explain to her that this time...it really was different.

I remember vividly the glazed over look in her eyes when she sighed and said "well Lisa, I certainly hope so...."

And it has been different. I haven't called her for help with ANYthing for over three years... in fact.... I only call her to say hi... about once a month...

One of our recent conversations went something like this:

me: hi mom...
mom: well hi, nice to hear from you... I haven't heard from you in a while so I assumed everything must be going okay.
me: uhm, yes, I miss you too Mom...

Funny thing is... in spite of all her negativity about my life choices... in a weird way, I think she must miss bailing me out... I don't think she likes her new role in my life. She doesn't know where she fits.

I wonder if that particular role isn't her cup of tea either. See, I never knew where I fit in that family either.

Good thing I'm home now.

Maybe in time, my mother and I can figure it out but for now, I guess we are both still trying to find shoes that fit.