So I took my cooter to the doctor today.......
hah! I thought that might get your attention. I really did though. Packed up the cooter and off we went to the cooter doctor.
The cooter and I arrive at the cooter doctor and proceed to wait. (there were a few other cooters there before us). Finally my cooter and I are called in. We move along into the cooter examination area, have our blood pressure taken and are asked a few pertinent cooter-related questions. (all of which I answer for my cooter, because she's shy - that and she doesn't speak. mute since birth I'm afraid.)
Anyhoo, The nurse leaves, asks me to undress (not just the cooter area but entirely...) she give me a dessert napkin to cover up with and leaves the room. So my cooter and I are sitting there... all naked and exposed, barely covered by the dessert napkin when in walks the cooter doctor. (Frankly, if my cooter was the one that had the appointment, I still don't see why it was necessary for me to go along...)
She asks a few questions and then gets right to it. No dinner, no small talk...just insert the scapula and off we go. She pokes around in the cooter and scrapes some off (to save for later?) and decides the cooter and I need to go have an ultrasound... check things out a bit more clearly.
Fabulous.
She waits while the cooter and I pay for the fun and we follow her down to the ultrasound area. She talks them into squeezing cooter and me in during the regular appointments. We were thrilled, no waiting.
HERE'S the best part of the ultrasound. THEY ARE NOW DONE TRANS-VAGINALLY.
UH what??? That's cooter abuse! I walk into the room, the nurse tells me to strip from the waist down (again) I look at her funny and say, well I can just pull these down...see? They are roomy (scrubs)...
She shakes her head. Nope, we do ultrasound trans-vaginally now. We will need you to de-robe from the waist down, thanks. And leaves the room.
Sigh. So the cooter and I undress again and prepare to be invaded. The technician returns and I joke with her a bit..."If I had known there was going to be a party in my pants today, I would have put a bow on it =)". Thankfully, she had a sense of humor.
technician: well everything looks good. Your ovaries are slightly plump, but nothing to worry about, I mean they aren't abnormally large.
WTF ? MY OVARIES ARE PLUMP?
great. My cooter is just fine... but my ovaries need to go on a diet.
fanfuckingtastic.
The cooter and I arrive at the cooter doctor and proceed to wait. (there were a few other cooters there before us). Finally my cooter and I are called in. We move along into the cooter examination area, have our blood pressure taken and are asked a few pertinent cooter-related questions. (all of which I answer for my cooter, because she's shy - that and she doesn't speak. mute since birth I'm afraid.)
Anyhoo, The nurse leaves, asks me to undress (not just the cooter area but entirely...) she give me a dessert napkin to cover up with and leaves the room. So my cooter and I are sitting there... all naked and exposed, barely covered by the dessert napkin when in walks the cooter doctor. (Frankly, if my cooter was the one that had the appointment, I still don't see why it was necessary for me to go along...)
She asks a few questions and then gets right to it. No dinner, no small talk...just insert the scapula and off we go. She pokes around in the cooter and scrapes some off (to save for later?) and decides the cooter and I need to go have an ultrasound... check things out a bit more clearly.
Fabulous.
She waits while the cooter and I pay for the fun and we follow her down to the ultrasound area. She talks them into squeezing cooter and me in during the regular appointments. We were thrilled, no waiting.
HERE'S the best part of the ultrasound. THEY ARE NOW DONE TRANS-VAGINALLY.
UH what??? That's cooter abuse! I walk into the room, the nurse tells me to strip from the waist down (again) I look at her funny and say, well I can just pull these down...see? They are roomy (scrubs)...
She shakes her head. Nope, we do ultrasound trans-vaginally now. We will need you to de-robe from the waist down, thanks. And leaves the room.
Sigh. So the cooter and I undress again and prepare to be invaded. The technician returns and I joke with her a bit..."If I had known there was going to be a party in my pants today, I would have put a bow on it =)". Thankfully, she had a sense of humor.
technician: well everything looks good. Your ovaries are slightly plump, but nothing to worry about, I mean they aren't abnormally large.
WTF ? MY OVARIES ARE PLUMP?
great. My cooter is just fine... but my ovaries need to go on a diet.
fanfuckingtastic.
posted by Lisa at 6:59 PM
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