bacon on the run

ta da!

2008-11-09T21:13:00.002-05:00

It has been less than a month since my last post. You know what this means. I may be finding a new interest in le blog.

so?

2008-10-22T19:12:00.001-04:00

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

I know it's been awhile....a long, long while...but ^ see above... I am an empress... I cannot be expected to remember to post.

holy shit.

2007-08-03T20:59:00.000-04:00

okay, i will be the first to admit, i have lapsed in my blogging. but seriously people, i log in after a paltry absence of *cough* a year or so....and find out i can no longer check in on my favorite blogs because i now need permission??????

makes me very sad.

i can't even email and beg for permission.

don't you love me anymore?

no warm fuzzies for my rapier wit and fabulous charm?

invite me!

let me back in.

i miss you!

squishy softness

2006-06-10T23:56:00.000-04:00

new mattress .... I can't WAIT to go to bed tonight. on a whim, the dave and I went mattress shopping. We found one, and they delivered it same day.

Previously, we were sleeping on our $400.00 pov mattress that we bought when I first came to this country. (we didn't have a lot.... lol)

four years later, it's flat and resembles a pancake. A black pancake with hideous cabbage roses all over it.

Tonight we sleep on the new hotness.

I may never get out of bed again.

Only one problem. I need a stool to get on the bed. or a spring board.

I vote for the stool, at my age, spring boards are probably not a good idea.

ciao lovelies.

when a dollar sign can take out the payroll system.

2006-06-07T19:34:00.000-04:00

you KNOW the world isn't right.

That's right. $ does not make the world go around. At least it doesn't make the payroll system go around ;)

Speaking of money....

My brilliant, sexy husband got a raise today. (his second one since starting the new job even.)

I told him he was TOTALLY getting sex tonight.

- at least one of us is a mover and a shaker.

I want a pool

2006-06-06T20:41:00.000-04:00

Is that a weird dream? Some people want peace on earth. Some people want to be millionaires. Some people want to be famous.

I want a pool.

of course, I want those other things too. But mainly, I want a pool.

So, I have been blurfing lately. (surfing blogs, it's my very own word, feel free to use it if you want - how magnanimous of me eh?)

Catching up on old friends - I call them friends, even if most of them don't know I even exist...

Good LORD I've missed alot! IT IS SO NOT LIKE A SOAP OPERA. If you miss a few months of blogging, you totally cannot follow the story line anymore.

couples I loved are no longer together. Single people I knew are married. People who were apart are back together.

I am so lost. Sometimes I am glad I am boring :)

have you ever...

2006-06-05T23:06:00.000-04:00

Met someone you just knew right off the bat you didn't like?

Have you ever decided that you were being unreasonable and given that person the benefit of the doubt.

And then found out you should have stuck with your first impression?

Welcome to my world.

hah! Bet some of you thought I fell off the face of the planet. I didn't. I have been in hibernation. Not dead.

valuable work lesson ....

2006-02-02T23:44:00.000-05:00

so last week.... i was so good at my job that i had time on my hands, things were organized, my desk was clean at the end of every day and every job was done on time and in order.

that was last week.

this week - i got three more jobs added to my list, my desk is a mess...my day isn't long enough to finish everything on it...

maybe next week I will be good at my job again.

maybe.

I guess my brain just needs time to organize the new stuff?

Let's hope.

how in the hell did this happen ?

2006-01-11T22:50:00.000-05:00

I have a 15-year-old.

eek.

I'm *gasp* middle-aged!

Today is Jake's Birthday.

I don't think I can write anymore...I have to go bury my youth and vitality in the backyard.

The end of a stressful week

2006-01-06T08:11:00.000-05:00

Thank GOD.

We did the go live - direct deposit conversion this pay period and man o' man was it nerve-wracking. Probably to noone else but me...but it's my blog and I am here to bitch about MY feelings dammit.

Can you believe I worked in a place that in 2006 is JUST NOW going direct deposit? heh.

My predecessor had put off and put off the conversion until she was no longer there and it became my baby.

The bonus - I get all the credit for being ballsy enough to it when really the only thing I had to do ...was say "ok, let's do this" and then sit and wait for the checks to be routed into the employees accounts.

It actually went pretty well. Only 4 employees had routing issues which were corrected this time and they will be getting their DD next pay. (not, I am sure that any of you care....but hey...)

Thursdays we have these in-services - all staff. This one was mandatory. and joy of joys..little did I know I was going to be ambushed and introduced to the entire staff at once.

"Lisa - will you please stand up and introduce yourself - so everyone can get a good look at you and have a face to go with the name."

UH WHAT?

How about NO? Is that an option?

I blush pretty easily.

So there I was. Blushing. And honestly, feeling like I was back in 7th grade and I had just been called on to give my oral presentation in front of the class.

Uhm.... hi? My name is Lisa .... And I hate standing up in front of people and talking about myself. Oh... and I am your Human Resource Director ... and your Payroll coordinator... and the accounts/payable clerk.... oh and on Friday's I get to fill in for the receptionist because she decided that she doesn't want to work Fridays anymore - I think that about covers it. Can I PLEASE sit down now?

The down side to everyone knowing who I am now is this:

I didn't get five feet outside of the conference hall when 6 employees said "oh hey, just one quick thing about my insurance".

Those quick things took me two hours.

I am seriously thinking about putting up a little stand with those paper number rolls. letting them sit outside with a paper number till I call them in =)

and now? I'm going to clean my house.

xoxo

Has it really been over a month ?

2005-12-30T23:19:00.000-05:00

well shit.

Actually I have no idea what made me decide to check in today.

That's a lie. A friend told me he read my blog. The whole thing - so out of morbid curiosity I popped in here to see if he left me a comment. Narcissistic isn't it ? OF course he didn't... I will have to chastize him heartily for that when next we speak - because admittedly, I am a comment whore - or I was - when I posted.

Do I have a good excuse for not posting? Not really. I have been distracted - according to one "professional" after a brief ten minute conversation with me...she declared me ADD. So there you have it - I ... have a short attention span.

She has a degree so it must be true. Besides, if you think about it...that's ALMOST as good as a doctor's note... I have a MEDICAL condition which prevents me from posting for MONTHS at a time.

Therefore, any of you who are thinking of lecturing me are not allowed to. - it just wouldn't be politically correct :)

New job is going well... a TON of crap to learn and training is, well, non-existant. So by the time I get home at night the last thing I want to do is actually THINK. So I have opted not to.

Merry Christmas however. I do pop in and read a few of you from time to time - blogs with pictures mostly - less thinking involved HAH! kidding.

Show me some love - if anyone is still reading this drivel I may come back and post some more =) (that by the way...is a shameless plug for some comments...feel free to indulge me!)

xoxo

two things

2005-11-22T09:04:00.000-05:00

yes. two things to cheer about.

1. I am still kicking Jerk's ass - Karma will get you every time darlin.

and

2. I got the job. Yesterday was orientation - today is my first full day.

So, thank you to all of you who thought positive things for me - things were winding down quickly, last week was my last week of severance so timing couldn't have been better - I was thinking I was going to have to bite the bullet and stop being so selective about the jobs I was applying for and just take any job that came along. Thankfully - that doesn't have to happen now =)

Instead, I have a great job, in the field that I want to work in AND just in the nick of time. Amazing really how things work out sometimes =)

Hope things are good and right in your worlds.

sit and wait ....

2005-11-15T10:28:00.000-05:00

I went on two "second" interviews last week. I have already heard back from one... they decided to go with someone with "more" experience. Which actually, I find quite humorous since it is an entry-level position. Doesn't entry-level imply they want someone to learn the ropes and not necessarily have "more" experience.

However, the second "second" interview that I went on - went really well. It took place on Thurdsay. I can do this job, I have experience in all the areas they are looking for experience.

So my question to you is this: what do I do now? I sent off my thankyou cards to the two people I interviewed with. Do I wait? Or call? and if I call - when do I call.

What do I say?

help me out people =)

and jerk...yes, you are on top - but the margin is slim. Don't get too comfortable.

Just for Jerk ..........

2005-11-01T15:05:00.000-05:00

Year-to-Date Group Summary for BLOGWAR
Statistics Through: 10/31/05

Group Overall Skaters Goalies
Rank Rank Team Name Pur GP Points Goals Ast SOG +/- Pen W GA SO S

1 4139 itsacanadianthing 120 190 703.60 44 70 326 -11 164 19 112 2 927
2 4211 The Wicked Trout 120 191 698.05 45 81 400 -10 129 14 81 0 694
3 5356 monkey`s maulers 120 183 527.90 25 63 280 3 130 12 109 0 857

Top Statistics: 45 81 400 3 164 19 81 2 927

and I thought I was bad at math... =)

Im still first !!!!!!!

ner ner ner ner

Happy Belated Halloween.

2005-11-01T12:17:00.000-05:00

I have to be honest with you guys. I have had a really hard time posting. I think that whole fiasco with Kaci and Mike sucked the enjoyment of blogging out of me. It really hurt my feelings and I guess, made me look at things a little differently.

I haven't really been up to that much, mostly suzy-homemaker kind of things, nothing really that interesting to write about, but that's not why I haven't been able to write on here lately. Lord knows I innundated you all with many boring stories before, so lack of something exciting to write certainly isn't the real issue.

Monkey has been at his new job now for about a week and I think he is starting to feel more comfortable.

I have a couple of interviews this week so hopefully one of them pans out.

wish me luck.

Because my husband is fabulous... and he eats grilled cheese.

2005-10-17T09:55:00.000-04:00

Just thought I would update you all... Dave got the new job... so for those of you who were thinking happy thoughts for him. Thank you.

I, of course, had no doubt that he would land it. He has charisma folks... and it doesn't hurt that he's mad smart =)

So this post is dedicated to my husband. Congratulations baby - I knew you could do it!!!! He has this thing... where he thinks he isn't being a good provider... pfft I say! I have never been happier. ever.

So dear, shut up. I love you and I am proud of you.

Why grilled cheese you ask ? - because that's what I served him for dinner last night and his comment was this: wow! that's great! I love grilled cheese.

Now THAT - is a good husband =)

I love you Monkey.

DID anyone see the Leafs game last night ?

2005-10-15T09:43:00.000-04:00

9-1

yes.

NINE - ONE.

It was poetry.

I am in heaven.

I love leafs.

apparently... I messed up.

2005-10-09T14:03:00.000-04:00

"PLus I notice weird friendships forming where I think the internet is the LAST place I want to try and make an actual personal relationship. Chuckles over a funny post together are one thing,but sending my husband a package to Iraq (and offering to give his mailing addy to anyone that requests it *this is highly dangerous BTW b/c then ANYONE can send anything, plus it can get him in trouble for having it publically voiced by people*"

I was reading over a couple of blogs I haven't had time to read much of lately and came across this entry. I won't post a link because obviously, I have a) offended her...and b) done something apparently very stupid. I can't explain how it made me feel to read that about something I had done; especially something I had done that I had mistakenly thought was a "positive" thing.

Let's just chalk it up to this shall we? My heart was in the right place, even if I don't know enough about the way things work in this country. I was merely trying to say "thank you" to all soldiers over there, by sending something to the only soldier I can claim to somewhat know.

I didn't mean to either piss you off or endanger anyone. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't give out the address to anyone, KOM and his wife sent me some stuff to include in the package and that was the end of it.

I am sorry and it won't happen again. As far as the rest of your comments about bloggers on your site, I can only imagine they don't pertain to me... so I will leave it to whomever you were referring to .... to address those issues.

Again, no offense was meant.

Lisa

Sigh.....

2005-10-09T13:52:00.000-04:00

Good game.... exciting. The bitch of it is, it did not end with my preferred outcome, ie: my team winning.

Yes Frankie, Montreal won.

*sobs*

0-2 season so far. This does not bode well.

On to brighter things, my husband's cousin came over with her husband. The Canadian. ahhhh, I missed Canadianisms. It was funny to look at a Canadian from my new "CanAmerican" perspective. You could tell he was Canadian immediately. That is once you watched him watching the game. (Hockey).

Had I had any doubts as to his origins, they were erased immediately once the game came on. We told him he was welcome to come over and watch any game he wanted since we got them all....

I don't think he cried exactly...but he was misty eyed. lol!

How are things in your worlds? Dave has interview #2 with one of the jobs he interviewed with last week...so please...think good thoughts for him, he deserves this!!!

xoxo

Talk to you soon!

Bah humbug !

2005-10-07T09:17:00.000-04:00

Okay...I suppose I shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth....after all hockey IS back....but after an absence of over a year and a half...I was really hoping my team would win.

*sobs*

It was a great game though... FIRST ever shoot out in the NHL... overtime....poor mats got a big lump on his head and won't be back for 6 weeks. TONS of scoring opportunities (not that they capitalized on them....but they were there!!!!)

And worst of all ??? to lose to Ottawa. sigh. Well - Montreal on Saturday. Surely we can take them!!!

On to other things... Monkey has had a few job interviews this week for some pretty fabulous jobs... keep your fingers crossed for him!!!! I have been converted into a gaming geek by my husband and am firmly ensconced in my fantasy world each and every night by my husband's side as we fight legions of evil to keep the rest of you safe and sound... y'all really SHOULD be more appreciative !!! It's hard work and I do it all out of love for you.

This weekend Monkey's cousin is coming over with her husband to watch Game Two of the season (Maple Leafs people, keep up!!!) This in and of itself wouldn't be blogworthy....EXCEPT for the fact that he hasn't seen his cousin in about 15 years ... AND (are you ready for this???????) She met a CANADIAN online and married him!!!!! how freaky freaky is that ?

So on Saturday... I will break out the Molson Canadian Beer, don my leafs Jersey and watch the Leafs with a BORN leafs fan!!!!! I am so excited!! There will be much fun and a few 'ehs' thrown in for good measure....

Happy weekend to you all - the three of you who still check my blog!!! and xoxoxo to the rest of you...I am sorry I have let you down... I miss you!

It's Christmas in KC

2005-10-05T10:25:00.000-04:00

well okay, not Christmas....but a gift just as wonderful as any I've opened on Christmas day is waiting for me tonight. 7:00 pm.

Game one of the NEW HOCKEY SEASON! My beloved Leafs are taking the ice for the first time in over a year and I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!!!!

I have been .... absent. I give you no excuses. I have been looking for jobs, being a happy housewife and spending time with my husband. I am sure once I am back at work... and have more interesting things to type about than what I cooked for dinner and how many shirts I ironed, I will post regularly.

KOM and his lovely wife R, sent me a package of goodies to put in with my stuff for Mike....So it will be leaving this Friday, I just have to wait till I get paid to be able to afford the postage!!! Frankly I can't believe they charge that much to send a soldier a package.... bastards =)

I miss you all - some of you more than others *wink* (KIDDING)

xoxox

howdy y'all !

2005-09-27T13:02:00.000-04:00

I haven't died or moved to Siberia... and I would really like to say that I have been off doing something altruistic with my time...but reality is I have been sucked into the bowels of Dave's online game...

I give up -it's addictive... I am a level 20 human rogue.... I am mad l33t yo!.

hah! okay so here is my posty post this fine Tuesday at midday. I have signed up for a fantasy hockey league... here is the address... you have about 8 days to make your team...

http://fantasyhockey.cdmsports.com/index.php?

Think you know hockey??? Just want the opportunity to lord something over me??? Whatever the case may be... pick your team and join up...let's see who knows their shit!

Group name : blogwar
Access word : maplesyrup

bring it on JERK !

To anyone that feels like:

2005-09-18T13:01:00.000-04:00

Showing a little love.

I am putting together a care package for Kaci's husband - Mike. You guys know him as Porter SR here in blogland. I hope to have everything together and ready to ship out within two weeks. If any of you feel like contributing anything to the pile... the things he has requested are:

Candy bars
Magazines
Chewing tobacco - specifically Copenhagen Black (bourbon flavored)

If you don't want to send the actual stuff and would prefer to send money, I will be happy to buy stuff and send you back the receipts to show what I purchased for him with your money.

There's very little I can do to show my appreciation for everything that they do over there... Mike is the only soldier I know so it's an easy choice for me to pick him to thank. He has given up so much to be over there and at so much personal risk, not to mention what Kaci has had to give up with him over there.

Please don't feel like you have to do anything, I just thought I would extend the offer to you - should anyone here in blogland feel like joining in.

If you do, email me and I will give you details =) Or.. even better, email me and I will give you his address and you can send your own package =)

lisaw@kc.rr.com

soap operas, snacks and sofas...

2005-09-15T22:07:00.000-04:00

Ahhh yes, the life of the unemployed. That's me folks. As of today at 4:00pm CST... unemployed, jobless.... well for ten days anyway.... BUT I plan to milk every last one of those glorious blissful days....

SOME people would have you think that I blog on command... NOT SO JERK!! I am blogging right now because I had something to say! Not because you requested it!

I do have to get my house in order, my car serviced, inspected and plated next week - fun fun. I guess there really is no such thing as a vacation.

Vacation = time off doing work around the house you didn't have time to do while you were working.

xoxo

Lions and Spiders and Snakes....oh my.

2005-09-09T21:46:00.000-04:00

OKay, so yesterday, I get to work at around 7:00 am and I put the coffee on, turn on my computer putter for a bit and decide that I am going to have a smoke before HR arrives. I leave the safety of my office and begin the trek down the hallway, through the data entry area to the side door that leads to the smoking area.

When I enter the pristine whiteness of the data entry area (white floors, white walls, white ceiling and beige cubicles....) something immediately strikes me as odd. There is something amiss. Something....out of place. What could it be????

I scan the room .... (remember I am not fully awake as of yet... coffee is still brewing...) hmmm can't quite put my finger on it.....I take another step into the room...and Voila! I figure it out!

There is something black in the middle of the floor. Something black is definitely out of place in this room. ESPECIALLY something black that slithers.

That's right. SLITHERS.

I had to herd this little fellow (Frank) into HR's cake tray with a broom. And let me tell you...he may be small...but he's got MOXY. All rearing up at me like he's a cobra.... pfft I showed him.

So for all your snake removal needs. I am unemployed as of next Thursday and seriously contemplating snake taming as my next career. Who you gonna call????

.....

2005-09-07T21:10:00.000-04:00

Hello? Is there anyone out there still ???? I promise I am not neglecting you on purpose...I have fallen and can't get up....

Actually, I have been busy trying to decide where my ass will end up work wise. I have had a couple of interviews - decision pending on one and an offer from the other that I am waffling over. I have one more interview tomorrow after work.... So basically, this past week has been all about me. I have neglected you. For that I am deeply sorry, I have been reading you though. I haven't commented. I have been there though.

The Hurricane coverage has had me mesmorized too. It's the only thing on my TV. So between being stunned by the devastation and trying to find a new job before my old one is officially over, it's been a mess.

I am actually considering taking a quick trip up to Canada between jobs. Nothing official yet, but I haven't been home in 3 years and I think maybe I should jump up there and take a peek around. Eat some poutine...visit some friends. You know....

Monkey has bought a new online game so if you have been missing him...he's buried in the basement killing things on his computer. He should resurface in a month or two. (he does this from time to time)... He informed me the other day that the next RPG to come out is D&D. If that in fact happens, we have lost monkey forever. He may as well be dead. Of course when that happens, I will be taking applications for replacement husband. I am low maintenance, I cook and clean.

Please forward resumes to my home email....

xoxo

update

2005-09-02T09:00:00.000-04:00

Well, Wednesday we made the 3.5 hour drive to Wichita to find out what's what. And, what it is...is this: terminated. LOL. Not that I was surprised. Today however, they are coming here to "crunch" numbers. Roughly translated I believe that means that they are trying to find a creative way to keep us and at the same time "crunch" our salary to something more platable to their wallet.

Should be interesting.

At least we got severance =)

Will update later with the "crunched" version of my job. Hope you all are having a wonderful day/week/month.

new hair color... ta da !

2005-08-30T18:21:00.000-04:00

decided to try going back to my roots for a bit.... and of course...force you all to view it !

MAUAHAHAHAHAH

posting under the firing squad

2005-08-30T16:43:00.000-04:00

Apparently. I don't post enough. Apparently, I could be wildly popular if only I would post. All this I found out today. It has been a productive day indeed.

I had a "sick" day. *cough cough* *sniffle*

I know you are all shocked...but hear me out!!!! Tomorrow is the day people! I make the drive to Wichita for the meeting. With the big wiggie types from the company that bought out the company I currently work for.

The way I figure it, I have all this sick time accrued, which they won't pay out when they can my Canadian ass...so I am getting one day to de-stress =)

On the plus side, I sent out a slew of resumes today and I already have an interview next week... so perhaps things will all work out =)

Wish me luck!!!!

I promise I am working on a real post... really. I swear ... it will be the postiest post of all.

Movies make me cry.

2005-08-26T22:47:00.000-04:00

So Monkey is in the dungeon with his little friends playing his game... HR and I are going to get our hair done at the ass crack of dawn tomorrow morning so she is sleeping over.... (no pillow fights...sorry boys..)

We decide to get an "on demand" movie to pass the evening, which is always a great joy ...trying to pick a movie both HR and I can agree upon. Tonight proved to be no different.

I scrolled through the list of available movies... pausing here and there when some scary movie caught my attention...kept on scrolling when I saw the look on her face...

She would inhale a little when we passed a romantic "torn between two lovers, boy gets girl, girl leaves boy for other boy movie" (hey as Monkey will attest I have mad love for chick flicks....but I have SOME pride.

And then we come upon Million Dollar Baby. Sounds promising, I have heard lots of great things about this movie... and *gasp*

HR likes Clint...

So it's settled.

I hit BUY and then play.

What a fucking great movie. I bawled like a little baby. HR of course ...marshmallow that she is..I figured would make me look tough because she would be of course sobbing much more loudly than I...and she would have snot running down her face.....(never a good combination...because when you make a lot of noise...people look at you...and if you have snot running down your face...well, let's just say it's not the best time for people to be looking.)

BUT no.

I am the one sobbing.... (no snot - but only because I went to the bathroom and grabbed a roll of TP).

HR?

She CLAIMS she got misty a couple of times.

WTF is that? misty???????

Plah. I am such a baby.

Even marshmallows kick my ass.

my precioussssssssssssssss

2005-08-25T16:28:00.000-04:00

ahhhh, what better to come home from a road trip to Wichita to...than a BIG SHINY NEW MONITOR?

that's right people. I have leapt up to a 19 inch flat screen..... I think I am in love. Everything is HUGE! worth every penny!

I have been "online" since hmmm, like 1996 I guess and I remember my very first computer.... 12k modem (shudders) less than a gig ..... and oh wait.... 14 inch monitor. TEENY.

I will be back later...after I am done bonding with my new lover.

Ciao!

blogging under pressure ....

2005-08-22T20:10:00.000-04:00

I used to think it would be easy to just plop myself down and start writing. A book, I thought, I will write a book. It will become a best seller and I will be on easy street.

Easy street? I can't even blog a decent paragraph lately. Let's just say that I have a new found respect for people who consistently produce not only readable, but interesting posts... day after day... week after week, hell... year after year... (some of you).

I could blog about my dog, (the urinator) and how today was his first day alone all day since my son went back to school and how he DID NOT pee in the house...

I could blog about how my payroll software went down 20 minutes before deadline for submittal....

I could blog about how wonderful you guys are... (the consistent few who read this...)

Or I could get real for once and tell you... I am having a rough week. I made some decisions when I came to this country that were hard for me to live with. Most days I manage to push past the guilt and have a relatively normal life... most days I laugh, and smile and have a grand old time.

And then there are some days, like Sunday.

When I sort through the stack of mail on the table and find a letter from my mother that had been there the whole weekend and I never got around to it till then.

There are some days, when the guilt comes up and slaps me in the face and jerks me around a bit and reminds me that I have made mistakes in my past that I will probably have to pay for for a very long time to come.

I could handle that. I like to think I am a pretty strong person. The thing I am having a hard time with is the fact that my decision affected other people.

I have three sons. Not just Jake. Two of them are still in Canada. Two of them I haven't seen in three years. Two of them I think about every single day and question whether I made the right decision.

Sunday, when I opened my mail from my mother... there was a letter in it that she forwarded on to me containing letters from my boys. And pictures. And a report card. Looking at the pictures, I am almost sure now that I made the right decision. They look happy. The report card is a good one. (Much better than mine at that age). The realist in me is sure I did the right thing. The mother in me however, berates me at every turn.

Most of the time, I can handle the internal conflict.

And then there are days like Sunday.

I know I have been a slacker this weekend.

2005-08-21T21:24:00.000-04:00

Consider this my official apology. I have had a TON of blogs to catch up on... so I have had no time at all to think of anything worth blogging myself.

Funny thing is, the more blogs I read this weekend. The harder it became to think of anything witty to write. HOW CAN I COMPETE WITH YOU PEOPLE. Not, I suppose, that it is actually a competition, but on some level... you are always under pressure to be "on". To write something that either touches people, makes them think... or better yet, makes them laugh.

Today, someone new left a comment on my blog. Karla... there is a link to her site on my page... damn she's funny. Then I made the mistake of clicking one of the links on her site...some Wombat-type dude, (also now linked on my site...)

I should just give up now.

they win.

I concede.

I'm not worthy.

Don't worry. I don't really give up. I can't. I am officially addicted to you all. And in order to continue to read and comment on your sites, apparently I will need to keep plugging away at my own.

special mention goes to AB - he's not new but he IS hilarious. (see duard, I did not forget you.)

I feel like singing .... "you were always on my mind....." la la la la.

Maybe I need sleep?

stole this from liberty, who stole something from me...

2005-08-21T13:39:00.000-04:00

ESTP - "Promotor". Action! When present, things begin to happen. Fiercely competitive. Entrepreneur. Often uses shock effect to get attention. Negotiator par excellence. 4.3% of total population.

Free Jung Word Test (similar to Myers-Briggs)
personality tests by similarminds.com

Stolen from Justin... =)

2005-08-19T21:29:00.000-04:00

These are my confessions.

[ ] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[X] I've run away from home.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[X] I shut others out when I'm sad.
[X] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[X] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[ ] I own an I-Pod.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[X] I love Disney movies.
[ ] I am a sucker for hair/eyes.
[X] I don't kill bugs.
[X] I curse regularly.
[ ] I paid for that cell phone ringtone.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I bake well.
[X] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie
[X] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[X] I am in love with someone.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[X] I am self conscious.
[X] I like to laugh.
[X] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[X] I have many scars.
[X] I've been out of this country.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[X] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.(ONLY if I've seen it!)
[X] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I see/have seen a therapist.
[ ] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[X] I am comfortable with being me.
[X] I play computer games/video games when i'm bored.
[ ] Gotten lost in your city.
[X] Saw a shooting star.
[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas.
[X] I have kissed a stranger.
[X] Hugged a stranger.
[X] Been in a fight with the same sex.
[X] Been arrested.
[X] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.
[X] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[X] Made out in an elevator.
[X] Swore at your parents.
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[X] Broken a bone.
[ ] Played spin the bottle.
[X] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] Bitten someone.
[X] Been to Niagara Falls.
[X] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a friend's car.
[ ] Been to Japan.
[X] Ridden in a taxi.
[X] Shoplifted.
[X] Been fired.
[X] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[X] Stole something from your job.
[X] Gone on a blind date.
[X] Lied to a friend.
[X] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[X] Been to Europe.
[X] Slept with a co-worker.
[X] Been married.
[X] Gotten divorced.
[X]Saw someone dying.
[X]Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[X] Been to Canada.
[X] Been on a plane.
[X] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[X] Eaten Sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[X] Been skiing.
[X] Been ice skating.
[X] Met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] Been to a motorcross show.
[X] Gone/Going to college.
[X] Done hard drugs
[X] Taken painkillers.
[X] Cheated on someone else
[X] Were so bored you took this survey.
[X] Have a tattoo

You can see his answers here.

I have returned.

2005-08-19T19:43:00.000-04:00

you missed me. you know you did.

Got back last night from Omaha... went for a crab fest with my loving hubby ... mmmm alaskan king crab legs... yum.

The trip was actually good. We worked our butts off and even found time to go to the casino and out for a couple drinks one night. Played some pool.

Ever have one of those games..(nights) when for some reason, you are just ON? Man I couldn't fuck up a shot, it was great! (I haven't really played pool in years.... and I don't think I was this good when I did play). But it couldn't have come at a more perfect time! There is this guy that HR and I work with; who I have this extremely sarcastic relationship with... you know the type.. you can bounce shit back and forth with and be as insulting as you like and still the person not ONLY comes back with something equally as scathing, but doesn't get offended at your shit? THAT kind of relationship...

so needless to say, I had been talking a LOT of shit all day, about how I was going to slaughter him at pool etc etc blah blah...

Thankfully, someone somewhere (the pool gods) decided to take pity on my ass, and actually made it appear that not only did I play... I played WELL.

hah!

good times!

Now I am home with my monkey...=) copious monkey sex tomorrow night!

hope things are well with all of you!

great to be home!

hmmmm tagged.

2005-08-13T12:16:00.000-04:00

Okay well....

let's see 10 songs I am currently into...

1. All The Things She Said - T.A.T.U.
2. How soon is now - The Smiths
3. Don't look back in anger - Oasis
4. Thank you - Zeppelin
5. Feeling good - Michael Buble
6. At Last - Etta James
7. Lovers in a Dangerous time - The Bare Naked Ladies
8. It's a Sin - The pet shop boys
9. A rainy night in soho - The Pogues
10. I'm gonna be - The proclaimers

Like Monkey, I tend to go in cycles, but this is the cycle I am currently in.. =)

No particular order...

and I am supposed to tag five people... so here goes :

Lauren: of please make rice I love you...
Ainse: because this will make you post more!
Robin: because I have no idea what kind of music you listen to
Hope: because the music shall set you free. (remember what you love)
and last, but not least...

Jen.

And off again.

2005-08-08T22:28:00.000-04:00

Home for the weekend... and off to Omaha again tomorrow night. But on the plus side, looks like only one more trip.

Toe is a normal color now... and really only hurts when I am barefoot, so that's a good thing. Tomorrow is Jake's high school registration. HOLY FUCK. I have a kid in high school. How the hell did that happen?

Do you ever feel that way? (those of you that have kids....) like, where the hell did my life go? one day, you are changing diapers and teaching them to tie their shoes.... and the next, you are registering him for high school.

phew. that was fast.

See you in a few days kiddies!

xoxo

I'm home....Briefly.

2005-08-06T10:25:00.000-04:00

Got back yesterday from Omaha. I actually enjoyed the trip... except for the Steak. HR and I went out with the Account Executive and the SSP for dinner one night. We had planned to go to this German restaurant that we found online...but they both turned up their noses and told us they were taking us to Gorats... get this...

HOME OF THE BEST STEAK in the country.

Now, I am game for a good slab of beef as much as the next person... in fact, it's one of my favorite meals..But the "best steak in the COUNTRY"? I come from Kansas City friends... home of world reknowned BBQ and Beef. Let's just say... I was skeptical.

It was packed, always a good sign. Too packed though. I actually OVER tipped the waitress because I was so impressed with her table maneuvering skills. I could have literally slid my straw into the guys drink at the table next to me and he probably wouldn't have noticed...I did however notice how many times he elbowed me while cutting his "steak".

So I ordered a filet mingnon...(you can't really screw up a great cut of steak like that...I figured I was safe.)

I ordered it rare. It came with hash browns ?????? baked potato, salad and choice of vegetable of the day or this maniciolli stuff I had never heard of .... Account Exec recommended the Hash browns (crispy) so I tried it. and I had never heard of Maniciolli so I tried it.

People it was ASS.

The only thing I have to say about this place... is I asked for "rare" and that's what I got. Have they not heard of SEASONING in Nebraska ???? It tasted like boiled cow ass.

The salad was wilted - the maniciolli ? penne noodles (over-cooked) with a spoonful of Ragut on top. and the hashbrowns were literally out of a bag, shredded potato bits... mushy!!!!! and to make it even worse... each portion of your meal came on a separate plate... so you could see it alone... in all it's glory!!! =(

Needless to say. The next night when we told them we were going to Charlie's by the Lake, and they suggested some *Paul's Catfish House" or something like that... (because according to them... Charlie's didn't have good food, WE WENT TO CHARLIE's.

It was awesome! Nebraska redeemed itself in my eyes. The salad was great, the service was FANTASTIC, and my shrimp was heavenly. I am never listening to those two men EVER AGAIN when it comes to food. (period).

Other news. Lisa broke her toe. Yes, that's right. I don't know how it broke. I have done much worse things to my toes over the years and they haven't broken. I had gotten out of the bath and went out to my bag to grab something... and on the way back into the bathroom I slipped on a small puddle and kind of jerked my toe a little.... it hurt, but nothing serious. I continued getting ready for work, put on my scrubs... my running shoes and off to work I went.

It bugged me slightly during the day, if I pushed off the ball of my feet too hard, but nothing major.. I didn't give it much thought to be honest.

Until I got home and took my shoes off. HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. It was black, and purple, and blue, and swollen. The knuckle part was stretched so taught it looked like someone blew up a little toe balloon and stuck it where my real toe was supposed to be.

I immediately called HR and said "you need to get your ass up here NOW... I SO broke my toe!". She came up and we spent the next half hour inspecting it. I actually took pictures of it but seeing as I have the WORLD's UGLIEST feet, I won't subject you to actually viewing them =)

That in a nutshell is about it. Bad steak, great seafood, broken toe.... oh and bikers... it was Sturgess ( and I am not sure how you spell that so don't attack me....) this weekend and they are ALL heading up Highway 29. I must have seen about 200 bikes an hour. It was great.

Funny how scary bikers can look and how sweet every single one was that talked to us. kind of made me wish I was more adventurous =)

well, it's almost 4

2005-08-02T16:33:00.000-04:00

and at 4 HR will be here and we begin the drive to Omaha.

bet you wish you were me.

I won't be blogging till Friday - I haven't died, just sent to Omaha. You do the math.

Take care of my munkey for me!

see you soon!

A picture I took the other day ...

2005-08-01T21:10:00.000-04:00

Just thought I would share =)

okay.. you just CAN'T make this shit up!

2005-07-31T09:58:00.000-04:00

Frankie found this gem of a site for me... and when I went there I just COULD NOT believe my eyes! I laughed so hard I almost peed =)

Here are some "highlights".....

This year's Cooter Race is planned to be bigger than ever before. The Allendale County Spring "Cooter" Fest and the Carolina Cooter Race Committee will offer free seating for the exciting Carolina Cooter Race. A "Rent a Cooter" booth will be available for those race fans unable to trap their own Cooter.

The Carolina Cooter Race will be grouped into two divisions determined by the width of the Cooter's shell. The two divisions are:
1) Mini-Cooters: Cooters measuring 6 inches and under.
2) Modified Cooters: Cooters measuring more than 6 inches.

Cooter division heats will race until one winner is determined. At the end of the day the two division winners and runner ups will race off for the grand title of "World's Fastest Cooter" and $1000 in prize money. A trophy and $100 prize will be awarded to each division winner. There will also be a $100 prize for the "Best Dressed Cooter".
So Cooter Fans get your Cooters...Dress them up...and bring them to the Carolina "Cooter" Race, Saturday April 8, 2006. Cooter Race Registration starts at 12:30 at the Cooter Bowl. Registration will be from 12:30 until 2:00 pm. The 20th annual Carolina Cooter Race begins at 2:00 pm in the Cooter Bowl. For more information contact the Carolina Cooter Race Committee at (803) 584-3412.

"Cooter" Handler Rules

1. Once race begins Cooter handlers may not touch their Cooter. Pushing, pulling or rubbing one's Cooter will be grounds for disqualification.
2. No drugged Cooters will be allowed to compete. If the judges suspect a Cooter has been drugged and the Cooter Veterianarian verifies, the parties responsible will be fined, or better yet, sentenced to clean up the Cooter Race Track Area after the Race.
3. No foreign substances such as grease or oil can be placed on one's Cooter to increase its speed.
4. Shouting, yelling, and coaxing one's Cooter during the race is encouraged.
5. Cooter handlers are required to provide a safe environment for their Cooters before and after the race.
6. The Cooter Committee will provide a Cooter holding tank for those Cooter handlers unable to return their Cooters to their natural habitat after the race.
7. Cooter handlers found mishandling or mistreating their Cooters will automatically be disqualified.
8. Any violations to the Cooter Race Rules will force the Cooter judges to disqualify the Cooter Handler from the Race Competition.
9. Decisions of Cooter judges are final and there are no appeals.

OMFG! I am still laughing....

If you want to check out the rest of "cooterfest" go here !

For those of you that miss my cooter...

2005-07-30T15:23:00.000-04:00

I wanted to see where I would pop up on Google if I did a search on 'cooter'... and then I got side-tracked.

you will never believe what I found. Right here in good old Missouri.

That's right.

A town named COOTER.

the best part is they have a search on their site... "quick cooter search". I wonder how many horny men have gone there in the hopes of finding some "quick cooter".

Saturday chuckles!

COOTER

(just in case you have an insatiable yen for some cooter!!)

:)

Shiny new banner....

2005-07-30T14:18:00.000-04:00

Courtesy of Justin.... you can find him over here I always thought I was pretty fair in the web graphics area....but he took my little piggy banner and made it soar =)

So thanks Justin!

xoxo

Friday night drivel....

2005-07-29T15:11:00.000-04:00

Let's see.... I have been accused of being controversial... or perhaps it is just that I seem to find myself mired in controversy...either way.. I am going to give a big "shout out" to new friend Patrick, who can be found here.....

I went out for dinner tonight with my boss. I had some pasta a la fruiti del mare... very nice, could have used more sea fruit... and less pasta, but still nice.

I brought munkey home some lasagna...which according to him...was mediocre at best. I guess sometimes expensive does not = good! ( But I really think if you pay 16 dollars for lasagna, it ought to be stellar!)

Joe came and picked up Alyssa, so all her cute little outfits and toys and hair stuff is all gone. I suppose the house will be easier to keep clean now, without the tasmanian devil running around depositing toys and crayons in every nook and cranny...but I will still miss her!

I have no huge plans for the evening. or for that matter the weekend. It's geek night downstairs and I can hear them fighting with swords and such....hehe

I did find out that I am going to Nebraska next week for business. (and probably the week after too. So less blogging for me during the week. but at least I get to see parts of this new country of mine I wouldn't otherwise probably get to see !!!)

Is this the most boring entry ever ???? Blame Patrick. He told me I was controversial and I choked. Too much pressure!!!

I just wanted to let you know...

2005-07-28T21:50:00.000-04:00

I have the day off tommorow.

w00t!

Isn't that horrible thing to post? I know. I am evil.

unfortunately for me, I have a ton of crap to do around the house so it won't really be like a day off. Laundry, cleaning....with a break in the middle of the day for a 'n00ner' =)

and my husband was a good egg yesterday again... I tried to buy the T.a.T.u. cd the day before and it was sold out....so he went to a different BestBuy and found it for me on his lunch break the next day!

awwwww. I really am a lucky girl =)

I got some bad news yesterday too =(

Joe has decided that he is moving his daughter back to his house tommorow. So no more cute little girl around the house! I really will miss her! I don't think he's prepared yet and I think he's doing it for all the wrong reasons!!!! But, Dave is right, she IS his daughter. Nothing I can do =(

Fantasy football time coming up!

2005-07-28T11:57:00.000-04:00

Come on ladies....we can't let the boys have all the fun....run over to

curmudgeonbludgeoning

Jerk Of All Trades

and tell them you aren't afraid to take them on!!!!

The best part is ...you don't even need to know alot about football to play =) ~ actually, I find the MORE you do know...the more you tend to second guess yourself....

LET'S PLAY!

Calling all men.....

2005-07-27T15:05:00.000-04:00

I just have to say - Vortexia was drawn in. Classic.

Since you asked, I think the letter was a bit too snarky to allow an opening for dialogue. Not that I don't think it was appropriate, but if I got it, I'd write the woman off. I wouldn't assume that she wanted to hear one damn word more from me.
KOM | Homepage | 07.27.05 - 2:50 pm | #

This is a comment from KOM regarding my last post and HR's letter to SW. It brings to light an interesting question, one I can only pose to you men out there - if it were YOU in this situation (SW's situation)and you received a letter like this from your "girlfriend" how would YOU respond, if at all?

Do you think that the girl who spent 2 years officially in a relationship with you deserves some kind of explanation or apology? Or do you think that the tone of the letter nixes that necessity?

Would you be more likely to be apologetic if the girl had not written you a letter such as this?

And before you answer, I am asking because I am curious, not being judgemental! So please answer honestly - not with what you think we want to hear! =)

It's a great day when......

2005-07-26T21:13:00.000-04:00

Your very best friend, the queen of candycoating.... grows a big shiny new set of balls.

Those of you that read my blog with any kind of regularity will remember HR. She loves to fart, eat chinese food and she loves SW. So much so that she even allowed me to post a question a while back and get all of you to give her advice/critique.

The bottom line was this... at the end of the day she knew she had to actually have a face to face conversation with SW and FINALLY screwed up enough courage to go over to his house and attempt an honest-to-goodness face to face for the first time in their 11 year history.

And because it was my advice, and she actually followed it for once... I take some degree of personal responsibility for what happened next. (I say some because obviously... it was only my fault that she went there... not what she encountered once she got there...)

She had remembered him mentioning to her that he was switching shifts with someone who was out on leave some weeks prior to this, so she thought she would have a good chance of finding him home this particular night, although it wasn't one of his "regular" days off.

She got dressed, you can vouch for this ladies, we always want to look our best when going in for an up close and personal conversation....so she did her hair, makeup and picked out an especially lovely ensemble to wear. At around 10:00 pm she left her house and made the 15 minute drive over to his house. She parked her car, collected herself for a few minutes and with a last-minute check of her makeup; she took a deep breath and got out of the car.

As she neared his house, she could hear him out back (he has a pool). She figured he was out there with the dog and so she changed course and headed around to the side gate.

What she saw floored her.

He was around back alright. With another girl.

SKINNY DIPPING. (kind of hard to pull that one off as an innocent visit I would say).

Apparently the girl was from Nebraska, hell of a drive for an evening swim. For the sake of brevity, I will condense....she turned around and left... I don't know that I could have left and not said something...but she did.

He called her two weeks later and spewed some drivel about how it was the 4th and how odd it was that they weren't together since they had spent it together the year before (this was on voicemail). To her credit, she didn't call him back although it must have killed her...she really does love this guy.

Then last week was his birthday.

Are you ready for this????

No, really.

Are you sitting down ?

THE MOTHER FUCKER ACTUALLY HAD THE BALLS TO CALL HER AND SAY THIS: uhm, thanks for thinking of me on my birthday.

(again on voicemail).

This told me one thing. He doesn't know she knows. What kind of ass does that ? Tries to lay a guilt trip on a girl for not calling him on his birthday after he's been playing naked pretzel in his fucking pool ?

HR is probably the most mild-mannered, gentle soul, that I have ever encountered. But she wrote him a letter today and dropped it off in his mail box on the way home. It was sarcastic, and to the point and I am sooooo proud of her.

Because I am proud of her... I am going to end this post with a copy of her letter to SW...

July 26, 2005

S****,

I am writing to you because I did in fact receive the message you left me on my voicemail. You remember, the one thanking me for thinking of you on your birthday. That one.

Well, it has taken me about a week to figure out exactly how it is that I want to respond. In fact, it has taken me that long because at first I didn't want to respond at all. Aside from maybe spitting in your face... But, that was last week.

Now, I just want to say, "Happy Birthday". I hope you had fun, a good dinner and of course some cake or a piece of PIE - whichever the case may be.

Come to think of it, since you mentioned it... I was wondering if you were thinking of me while you were skinny dipping with that pretty little brunette from Nebraska. Or did she not call you on your birthday either??

Love always,

HR

An interesting thing I have noticed .....

2005-07-25T18:07:00.000-04:00

about my mother.

all my life, I have been a huge disappointment to her. I guess that in all her inherent brilliance one basic fact has eluded her lo these many years. I am adopted.

Yes that's right. No access to the family gene pool. I didn't even dip my toes in.

So how she can have constantly compared me to my cousins (her brother's two perfect children..) and found me lacking... I will never, ever .... understand.

and I know that some of you are saying... there is no such thing as perfect children...HOWEVER you do not know my cousins. They are indeed as close an approximation as possible to perfection that has ever existed: both gorgeous, never got in trouble, he is an electrical engineer, she is a professor. and for interests sake, uncle is an engineer, and aunt is a professor. Talk about tightly knit genetics! - by this definition, I should have been a doctor =)

So for years, I made bad choices in careers, men and I suppose just life in general. I remember being really excited about one particular guy that I had been dating and calling my mother up to tell her all about him....

ME: Mom, this guys is totally different than the others, he's so great I just know you will love him! (gush gush gag... puke)
Mom: (sighing)... well you know Lisa, I am sure he's fine.
Me: well, why don't we get together, you and V* (her husband)....maybe for dinner?
Mom: I'd rather not, why don't we wait six months, and if you are still with him...maybe then we can talk about dinner...

(never mind that she was right about THAT particular guy....that is not the point people!)

talk about expecting your children to fail without ever even giving them the benefit of the doubt! OUCH!

So the months and years passed and I kind of had a little pattern going of messing up and my mother had a little pattern going of bailing my ass out =)

Then I met Dave.

I still remember the conversation over lunch and my trying to explain to her that this time...it really was different.

I remember vividly the glazed over look in her eyes when she sighed and said "well Lisa, I certainly hope so...."

And it has been different. I haven't called her for help with ANYthing for over three years... in fact.... I only call her to say hi... about once a month...

One of our recent conversations went something like this:

me: hi mom...
mom: well hi, nice to hear from you... I haven't heard from you in a while so I assumed everything must be going okay.
me: uhm, yes, I miss you too Mom...

Funny thing is... in spite of all her negativity about my life choices... in a weird way, I think she must miss bailing me out... I don't think she likes her new role in my life. She doesn't know where she fits.

I wonder if that particular role isn't her cup of tea either. See, I never knew where I fit in that family either.

Good thing I'm home now.

Maybe in time, my mother and I can figure it out but for now, I guess we are both still trying to find shoes that fit.

All the things you said.

2005-07-24T22:27:00.000-04:00

running through my head.

okay I have a request.. even if you have never commented before... just type something... I have this insatiable curiosity about who stops in.

it doesn't even need to make sense.

humor me.

all the things you said,
running through my head.
this is not enough......

(sorry ~ song I am listening to right now... tatu)

quiz for you....

2005-07-24T20:22:00.000-04:00

I have seen this little gem on a few blogs, Brian's, PC's ... and someone else who I can't quite remember....

I made a Quiz for you! Take my Quiz! and then Check out the Scoreboard!

So for shits and giggles... I made up a lame short one of my own =)

This one time.... at monkey's house...

2005-07-23T00:16:00.000-04:00

pleh. we (HR and I) went out for our usual Friday Night meal. Apparently it gave her gas... the bad kind that won't come out; so she is in a wee bit of pain. We watch a movie and go out on the deck to check the status of the slowly filling pool.

HR is moaning and rubbing her belly. She lifts up her shirt and shows me this little bump, about the size of a walnut (and hard like one)... she tells me to touch it - so I do...

ME: there is a freaking LUMP here....
Her: I KNOW!
ME: this is not gas. no way!
Her: yes it is... feel it here... (and moves my hand over an inch)

It is at this precise moment, with my leaning down hand on HR's abdomen that TT and monkey come out on the porch for a smoke. There is just no way that could have looked good from any angle...

Me: she has gas...
TT: is that what they are calling it these days ?
Me: I swear ! look! it's the size of a walnut!

anyway, to make a really long story short... she farted... right in front of monkey, and his friends... and sure enough, the lump went away. I guess it WAS gas.

who knew ? lol

Yeah, I got nothing. Shut up.

hahahahha

2005-07-22T16:24:00.000-04:00

so. I decied to nominate my good friend binsk for this blogger beauty contest thing that I stumbled across one day a few weeks back. I actually forgot that I did it, until today when she reminded me.

hah! oops. Turns out that I am somehow on there too. Quite amusing really! For the record, I am disturbingly average =) Binsk however is a cutie patootey! go vote for her! here

bloggity blog blog....

2005-07-21T12:04:00.000-04:00

I am having Chinese food for lunch. Is it sad that I am excited by that prospect? HR is on her way to pick it up now. We have this gay thing where we always fight over who is paying for it. I won today...but tommorow night apparently she gets to pay and I am supposed to put up a big fight at the cashier.

And and and... I am going to buy a pool tonight! We have the small child all weekend and we are smack dab in the middle of a heat wave. (Not a good combination!) My loving monkey is letting me charge the pool on the credit card because he loves me.

What a good egg he is.

I have been perusing some of my old and new favorite blogs on my list today because I have finished the big project I had to do this week and have a small window of free time before the next round starts. I just have one question.

WHAT IS WITH ALL THE DRAMA LATELY?

It's crazy I tell you! Can't we all just get along ?

And on a completely unrelated topic... JERK: you better stop saying such shit! You are not allowed to leave. I like to read your blog and we all know...it's all about me.

2005-07-20T21:51:00.000-04:00

munkey all dressed up for his interview tommorow .... heh.

Oh crap.

2005-07-20T20:54:00.000-04:00

Is my life this boring that I can think of absolutely nothing to blog about ? It must be. Highlight of my day ? Some guy came by my office selling spa packages and I bought one.

His sales pitch was fucking superb.

Him: Have you been doing a lot of swimming lately?
Me: Well, seeing as I have zero tan.. I can only imagine that you must be implying my hair is a little more yellow than would normally happen at a good salon ?
Him: well, yes.
Me: Interesting approach.
Him: Your nails have a lovely curve to them, and the length is fabulous... but we could tidy them up a bit.
Me: You better say something nice to me in the next five minutes or I will beat you about the head with our "no soliciting" sign.
Him (laughing): You have a lovely sense of humor.

sigh.

Me: Okay I'll buy it. I would have preferred something like "you are the hottest woman I have ever seen, and even though I am clearly gay, I would like to fuck you right now"... but I will take the personality compliment...

lmao okay... obviously I didn't say this last part! I think I said something like ...okay okay show me what you have there....

Would have been quite funny if I did though wouldn't it ?

heh.

Jealousy ... friend or foe ?

2005-07-17T14:49:00.000-04:00

Here's what I think. JEALOUSY - a little goes a long way.

I like to think of myself as a pretty laid back girlfriend/wife. I have one simple rule.... I treat my significant other the way I would want to be treated. For example.... I never raise an eyebrow if he wants to go out with friends and have a beer or five.... I wouldn't ever, unless of course I was planning an evening out with my friends and he had a problem with it.

He has lots of friends online (mostly) that are women, and they don't bother me... well okay ONE did... but that was for personal reasons.. I disliked her for a myriad of reasons most of them what I considered "character flaws". - the main flaw being that in my humble opinion... she had no character =) I have since gotten past that ... and they still talk but I am okay with it now.

A little jealousy I think is healthy for any relationship. It reminds the person who is jealous, to not take the person they are with for granted - because regardless of how we feel about someone, there is always someone else out there that could take our place. It also reminds the person we are with that we care about them, and that we love them ... and that we think they are attractive, funny, smart and good enough for other people to want.

Having said that, the flipside of that coin is that too much jealousy can eat away at a relationship like cancer. Festering and contaminating every aspect of the relationship until there is nothing left to save.

I came close earlier this year to allowing the tiniest spark of (healthy) jealousy errupt into the full blown cancerous type... luckily the practical side of my personality won out over the emotional side....and I managed to pull it back in before my own personal insecurities pushed my husband away...

That's the funny thing about jealousy, you get nervous and insecure, and the thing that ends up being the clincher in the end, is your own emotions. It's extremely hard to live with an overly jealous or insecure person sometimes so much so that people will leave a relationship rather than fight through the jealousy issues.

So... what do you guys think? Any brushes with jealousy ?

So this week was .......

2005-07-14T21:49:00.000-04:00

interesting... I did a shitload of work... and we all know how much I love manual labor... (not one little bit). ON the plus side, I did get a raise. (yay me)... Job security is still in question, but for the present, I am making more money than I was so that is a good thing.

Monkey is up for a great job. 91k per year great. Everyone think warm fuzzy thoughts for him, he really deserves it!

Speaking of monkey. I get home after ten hours of driving, play with the small child, read some blogs, order a pizza and check my email. Monkey takes a bath (the bathtub is clearly visible from where I sit reading my emails). So we are bullshitting back and forth about the week and little mundane day to day things.

A perfectly normal quiet evening until my cheeky monkey says these words to me:

So I shaved my armpits the other day.....

I pause momentarily in reading my email. Honestly, I am waiting for the punchline. I wait another minute, fingers hovering above the keyboard. There is silence from the bathroom. Slowly, I swivel my chair around to face him.

me: you're kidding right?
monkey: uh, no.
me: raise your arms.
Monkey: yes, dear. (and raises his arms)

He's not kidding. There is nary a hair under there. I quickly scan his legs and chest.... PHEW... all hair there still intact. He is NOT, I repeat, NOT moonlighting in a male review club!!!!

HAH! ... actually apparently his deodorant had some funky reaction and clumped up only to refuse to come off even with vigorous scrubbing. So he did what any normal, sane man would do... he reached for my lady bic, and shaved it off. (I'm kidding, he used the beard trimmer setting on his Braun.)

Oh wait, did I mention he did it DRY? ~ ladies, you will back me up here... NEVER shave dry... the razor burn is unbearable *wink*....Can you guess where I am going here ?

Poor monkey... bald pits.....AND razor burn... I had to chuckle, he told me he slapped on some baby lotion I had (mistake).... washed that off quickly and tried some diaper rash stuff we had for Alyssa.... (and this is quite interesting... apparently that burned like shit also.....to quote Monkey " no wonder babies scream like hell when you put this shit on... not like they can talk to tell you it fucking hurts!!!").

So that was what I came home to... never boring in Casa De Monkey =)

Don't forget to pray for Dave and his potential new job!!!

xoxox Lisa

p.s. Sara - your card is en route I promise!!!

2005-07-14T20:37:00.000-04:00

I just thought this was cool .

2005-07-14T20:35:00.000-04:00

Cool little castle thing in the middle of the Missouri River... crossing over to Illinois.

2005-07-14T20:32:00.000-04:00

Just a few shots from my trip... I thought this was a cool shot... flag flying at half mast for the London Bombings...

bye kids...

2005-07-10T23:00:00.000-04:00

I am off to indianapolis again... see you thursday... take care of Munkey for me....

2005-07-10T22:48:00.000-04:00

Baby robin... I guess he fell out of his nest... we were going to save him and feed him hamburger, but his mother had other ideas... so he is still out there... hopping around. I hope he makes it !

"oh if this were our first date......

2005-07-09T19:21:00.000-04:00

we so never would have gotten married." The quote of the evening......

So I went to the store this afternoon, to pick up some shrimp and scallops to grill. We prepare the meal - Monkey manning the grill, I make the salad, prepare the rice, pour some wine and set the table on the deck, thinking that perhaps, with no child running around we could have a nice adult dinner.... romantic and shit.

No sooner does Monkey sit himself at the table than the flies start to swarm... I don't mean 1 or 2, not even five....but like ten of the little bastards. After brushing about five of them away from every mouthfull, we concede defeat and run inside with the food.

Of course 2 of the more enterprising ones made it inside with us, but two against two are far better odds than we were dealt outside.

We settle in at the dining room table thinking that NOW, we could start our romantic evening...prior to vacating the patio, one of my scallops had jumped off the skewer onto the deck and the dog had immediately claimed it as his own.

Now, a brief 3 minutes later, the scallop showed him who was boss and ended up on the dining room floor with various other things the dog had ingested that day. I go to the kitchen grab stuff to clean it with, clean it up... wash my hands and return (yet again) to the table....

Not thirty seconds later.... Monkey gets a nose bleed... has only ever had one other one in his entire life.... and picks tonight for number two. (Karma anyone?????)

so being the good wife I am, I offer him a tampon... he politely declines and goes about trying to fix it in his own manly method.... (I really just wanted a picture of him with a tampon hanging out of his nose.... ).

We finally finish our dinner and decide that the only thing that could possibly make this evening any better... would be if the scallops gave us food poisoning and he had to hold my hair back while I yakked in the toilet and he gave in and finally stuffed a tampon up his nose...

I guess we old married folk just aren't built for romance =)

2005-07-09T13:17:00.000-04:00

here apparently, is what I would look like in south park ....

you can make your own

here

things that make you go .....

2005-07-09T01:08:00.000-04:00

I found out yesterday that the company I work for was bought out by another company.

Oh goody. So now starts the corporate game playing. Should be interesting to see if I get to keep my job. (I think my chances may be hindered by the fact that I left that particular company to come and work for this one... and now they own us... hah!)

On another note, I found out today that I get to go back to Indianapolis next week with HR. We have separate rooms this trip and I will remember to bring my camera.

Monkey is downstairs currently with his band of merry men... I was trying to stay up and wait for him.. but I am getting very very sleepy.

Here's hoping you all have a fabulous weekend.

another thing I stole from HKD ...

2005-07-07T22:26:00.000-04:00

I'm backkkkkk

2005-07-07T20:32:00.000-04:00

So that trip was interesting.... HR and I had to drive the company van (well. actually we traded our company minivan for the St. Louis office HUGEFUCKOFF van) fully loaded with metal shelving from Kansas City.... to Indianapolis...

lovely 9 hour drive through miles and miles of orange cones. Once we got there, we got to unload the van. ick. I freaking hate manual labor... it all comes back to that sweaty thing... I hate to be sweaty...but hey, a job is a job right? I suppose I should be thankful I have one =)

So anyway, I was all packed and ready to go .... charged my camera batteries and had it all ready to go... and FORGOT IT.

Which probably wouldn't have been so bad, except that I saw about forty million things that I would have loved to get pictures of. grrrrr.

Indianapolis is actually a really cool city. Kind of a combination of Paris, France, and Toronto. There was this really neat round about in the center of downtown, that reminded me of the Champs Elysées in Paris, complete with cobble stone streets. It was a fairly big city, but clean like Toronto... made me quite homesick actually.

I kept thinking I was only 6 hours from home...I could just keep driving, and it was Tuesday night, so I could have had half price wings at the place I used to work ages ago, they have the BEST wings I have ever had! sigh....

HR and I may be best friends, but man o man, we do NOT travel well together! We shared a room (BIG mistake). We were trying to travel cheaply to look all responsible for the company and shit... what a nightmare.

I smoke, she doesn't. I conceded and ordered a non-smoking room because I didn't think it was fair to subject her to that... no biggie.

She is eternally cold and hates it. She likes the room a balmy 90 degrees and still sleeps with a down comforter and pj's. I like it 68 degrees with a fan going.

The room was about right when we got back from dinner, so I (again) concede and turn off the air, thinking if I leave the fan on, it will circulate the nice cool air and I can just sleep with a sheet. She doesn't like noise. So she thumbed her nose at the fan. I just said... "well, it's the fan or the AC... you pick princess...". She picked the fan.

She likes to exercise in the morning, so I said well I will get up at 6am and have a shower, you can exercise while I get ready. She wanted to get up at 5am... I told her I was a really light sleeper so she agreed to my plan. (or so I thought).

At 5 am, I hear her phone alarm go off, she gets up and sneaks off to the exercise room...... The thing with me is, once I am awake, that's it. So I got up, showered, packed my stuff and was sitting on the bed waiting when she got in...

HR: oh ...did I wake you???

lmao. sigh. We are SO NOT TRAVELLING ANYWHERE together. - well, we aren't sharing a room for sure! wow she's high maintenance!

2005-07-04T23:36:00.001-04:00

Happy 4th !!!

2005-07-04T23:36:00.000-04:00

A few snaps from our 4th to yours...

2005-07-04T23:35:00.000-04:00

Aren't I festive ?

Happy 4th of July ... to all you Americans

2005-07-04T20:02:00.000-04:00

I was a little worried that it would rain on your parade today.... the last three years there has been some sort of wet weather for you.... I am happy to report, skies are blue, wind is minimal and fireworks are happily being lit all over my neighborhood.

Not so happily for my dog however. He is scared shitless... literally, he won't even go outside to pee. We went out tonight to grab something to eat (after the party we had last night, I really didn't want to cook anything today...) and he peed in the basement while we were out so he wouldn't have to brave the festivities outside.

My husband jokes that if we were attacked by armed assailants in the house, we would be okay only if they were wielding knives....one single gun shot and his guard duty would be over.

We had tons of food last night... chicken, burgers, four different types of sausage, three racks of ribs, asparagus (grilled) guacamole, salsa, chips, pasta salad, potato salad, cheese and broccoli bake, watermelon, cherries, two different kinds of pie and an english trifle. Margaritas, beer, basically any kind of alcohol you wanted.... good times, good times....

I learned my lesson after our New Year's Eve party... lol... I had one too many chocolate Martinis and passed out (after throwing up in my bathtub....ick) with a house full of people....

At 10:30pm. Happy fucking New Years.

Last night... I had one Margarita... and then diet coke...all night! lol Don't have to tell me twice...gone are the days of my famous Canadian drinking stamina... apparently when Dave and his friends teased the eh out of me...my drinking capabilities went north with my 'eh'.

(although Binsk, if you come down, I promise to totally tie one on with you.... I swear, I just need to be around someone who says 'eh' a few times, I am sure I can get it back!)

So anyhoo, HAPPY 4TH all you lovely American types! Mad love @ you all... Thanks for having me in your country!

God Bless!

Just for sara....

2005-07-02T23:31:00.000-04:00

I had a request to blog about my mammogram... so boys, allow your eyes to glaze over and skip this post all together... it's merely informational... girly stuff you know.

Well Sara, frankly, I don't know what all the fuss was about. I had worked myself into a frenzy about it, heard all sorts of horror stories... (maybe it's worse if you have smaller boobs????) Basically, they take two shots of each breast. It's a plastic plexiglass looking contraption. They put you in one of those o-so-sexy gowns, but instead of your bum hanging out ...this time it's your girls...

Okay, they take breast number one, arrange it on the plate, you hold on with your opposite arm to this handle thinger...then she lowers the top plate and screws it down. It does NOT get smashed to bits. Yes, it was snug... but not the horror I was expecting... I had to talk my poor breasts into finally agreeing to go for DAYS...

The technician walks away, tells you to hold your breath (total of about 20 seconds MAYBE). Then comes back and releases your pancake boob. She then tilts the contraption to about a 45 degree angle and kind of lays your breast against the one side and presses the other panel against it.

Again, you hold your breath and she snaps a picture. This whole thing is repeated on breast number two and in my case, she took the pictures to the doctor on call and he evaluated them on the spot. All things normal and lump-free (aww how cute, it matches my cooter.... ). The results are then sent to your referring doctor and you wait for another year and repeat.

Honestly sara, there is NOTHING to worry about. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again, better a slight discomfort than the alternative possibilities right?

Hope this helped girlie!

xoxo

Lisa

Happy Birthday to my monkey!

2005-07-01T21:53:00.000-04:00

Dank Monkey -birthday
Originally uploaded by bacon1.

I know that today isn't technically your birthday, but I won't have a chance to do this in the morning before you get up... so I am sneaking it up a day early.

I never really have the right words to tell you everything I want to. Borrowing someone else's just seems cheap somehow.

I want to thank you for being the kind of man and husband that you are. I want to thank you for loving me. I want to tell you how very much you mean to me.

I couldn't ask for anything more than you.

Happy Birthday Monkey.

I love you.

Happy Birthday!!!!!

2005-07-01T10:12:00.000-04:00

CANADA!

I miss you, and think of you often. Most often when I am being poked fun at for some of the trade marks being born with you as my country instills in a person. The sporadic 'eh' thrown in conversation, the way I say Soary... instead of Sarry... (for sorry), the way most of my statements sound like questions, my great love of hockey, poutine, Tim Horton's and beaver.

Just because I chose to vacate your borders and move to the south...doesn't mean I will not always to some degree or another, carry a little piece of you in my heart.

So Happy Birthday Canada! Maybe on July 4th, while lighting off many explosive and luminary objects for the love of freedom and my new country, I will sneak one little 'pop' off in your honor as well. (while no one is looking of course....these folks here love them some America.. and I wouldn't have to explain that I was just saying a belated Happy Birthday to my first home...)

au revoir!

Conversations with a four-year-old

2005-07-01T09:10:00.000-04:00

So Monkey and I are sitting on the front stoop after dinner last night, having a smoke and watching the occasional lightening flash in the sky. The four-year-old, having finished her pudding, comes out and joins us.

I am not exactly sure what led up to this conversation, but man did we get a laugh.

four-year-old: how come you guys are taking care of me?
Me: well, because we love you silly... why else ?
Monkey: Maybe when Aunt Lisa and Uncle Monkey get old and decrepit (yes, he actually used this word with a four-year-old! - never can start too early...the monkey philosophy )you can take care of us... ?
four-year-old: uhm..sure!
Monkey: Feed us, and wipe our poopy butts....
four-year-old: I don't like to poop though, it smells!
Me: well, you know, it's only fair, we wipe your poopy butt sometimes, and it's not like your poop smells nice either!
four-year-old: *giggling* I'M NOT A BABYSITTER!

heh. at least she knows her limits....

I stole this blatantly and in true pirate style.....

2005-06-30T23:02:00.000-04:00

from bob.

Thanks bob!

My pirate name is:

Black Bess Flint

Like anyone confronted with the harshness of robbery on the high seas, you can be pessimistic at times. Like the rock flint, you're hard and sharp. But, also like flint, you're easily chipped, and sparky. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

I took a desk job for a reason!

2005-06-30T14:51:00.000-04:00

Why you ask? BECAUSE LISA DOESN'T LIKE TO SWEAT. EVER. and sadly today I have done nothing but sweat. ALL DAY.

rant rant rant bitch bitch bitch rant rant bitch bitch rant and bitch.

All I want right now...is a shower and a drink. I don't want to see another hammer as long as I live.

Okay. I think I am done. Thanks for that. I really needed to get it out of my system. Oh wait. Better news. I think I am done and then I find out they need FIVE more.

shoot me. now.

Sex is what you make it....

2005-06-29T15:06:00.000-04:00

I have been thinking alot lately. Thinking about my marriage. Thinking about relationships in general. Maybe just life. I have been surrounded by people both in blog-land and in real life going through all sorts of different scenarios in their respective relationships.

There are people in unrequited love situations, people with crushes, people unhappily existing in marriages, some people happily existing in marriages and some people so lonely that they would wish they were even in some sort of unhappy relationship as long as they were a part of 'something'.

I have placed my relationship under the microscope a lot lately, poking it and prodding it. Comparing it to other relationships that I see around me. I would say for the most part, what I have is a fabulous relationship. I genuinely like my husband, he is a good guy. He is smart and funny, there isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't make me laugh; even the days when he makes me mad, he usually follows up by making me laugh.

If I had to guess what his only (okay not only...but main- the othes are silly like leaving the cupboard doors open in the kitchen and forgetting to give him back his keys!)complaint in our marriage would be, I would hazaard a guess in the direction of incompatible sex drives. He, of course would happily sex it up 7 days a week (well okay, maybe 6 - he does after all have a game on Friday nights that supercedes all other activity). I on the other hand could go without sex for probably 3 weeks and it wouldn't phase me overly.

I have made a pact with myself that 2 times a week is the minimum sex that my husband and I engage in... and 4 would probably be my max, although to be honest, I think I have only made it to 4 once since we have been married. A few threes have been thrown in for good measure.

So then I got to thinking about how you only get out of any relationship what you put into it. So I put some into it. I did a little dirty talk, I really let myself enjoy the experience and let go a little. (Not that I am uptight...but I think you tend to let yourself get in a little comfort zone, if that makes sense).

Shortly after coitus completus, he rolls over and says to me:"Uhm, what did you do with my wife???"

Am I to take that it was SO different it was like fucking a completely different person? Was I that bad before? lol

Later on he says: lady, you are going to have to leave soon, my wife will be back soon and she just wouldn't understand.

That's my monkey. Always a crack up.

This weekend I think I will go out and buy some toys. Who knows what he will say to me then. This could be fun.

Smoke 'em if you got 'em people!
xoxo
The new wife.

A post card for my cooter.

2005-06-28T13:00:00.000-04:00

Yes. My cooter got mail. I arrived home from work to find that a post card had arrived for my cooter. It's only fair I suppose, I mean after all, I received a post card a few days earlier from the lovely Sara. Why shouldn't my cooter get mail too?

Is it just me, or has visiting the doctor's office become way too impersonal these days? I mean not that I expect dinner and a movie or something...but when faced with potential impending bad news....don't you think a phone call would be nice? When cooter and I were done with the poking and prodding, we were asked to address two post cards to our home address.

Post card a) good news, cooter all clear and ready for action.
Post card b) bad news, cooterville is at DefCon 2. Please bring the cooter in for debriefing.

Then we get to sit back and wait to see which of the little cooter doctor post card bombs arrives in the mail. Very sadistic stuff batman.

Anyway, the cooter and I have the "all clear" we are at Defcon 5, I repeat, DefCon 5 - All things peaceful in cooterville... and on Friday... I get to have my very first mammogram. How simply marvelous is my life? I know, I know.... you are all so jealous!

xoxo

How does your wife annoy you....let me count the ways.

2005-06-27T13:33:00.000-04:00

Well, I was off to a stellar start this morning! First, I did not hear the alarm go off and slumbered my way to 6:07am when I normally get out of bed at 5:30am. Fantastic. So I then rush around trying to bathe, get dressed in the semi-darkness that is our bedroom (I've shown you the picture of our other bathroom...) I have had to bathe in the master bedroom while my bathroom is in limbo.

Finally, I dive into my scrubs, throw my still-wet hair into a pony-tail (very sexy look, all the hot chicks are doing it this season), slap on some mascara and lip gloss and try to wake the child up. While the child is rousing, I let the dog out, feed him, step on the cat and get the child cereal.

I sit the child at the table with cereal while I try to coax her hair into some semblance of a hair do.

HR arrives. I dive into the freezer to retrieve my craptastic frozen lunch and run down to the garage to get the car seat since HR is driving today. We load the seat, lunches and child into HR's car, I run back to make sure Monkey is awake and off I run to drop child off at day care.

Arrive at daycare, fish child out of car, pay for this week and this week's activities and dash back to the car to make the 35 minute drive across State line to work.

Reach into my purse to pull out the keys to open the office and come out with.......

Dave's car keys.
SHITFUCKDAMNFUCKCRAP!

That's right. I am a horrible wife. I borrowed his car on Sunday to go do grocery shopping and then to go to the toy store with his Mom for Alyssa. I forgot to return them to him on Sunday....and this morning I was in zero condition to remember anything.

xoxo
The Worst Wife Ever.
I told him this was his get out of marriage free card. But it expires by the end of the day.

An old wives tale.

2005-06-26T20:35:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time, there was a small monkey. He was a cheeky monkey; as most of them are. This particular monkey woke up one day to discover that he had a sty on his eye. Cheeky monkey didn't like this one little bit. It hurt and made his little monkey eye water.

He went upstairs to complain to Mother monkey about his sty. He looked high and he looked low for Mother Monkey. Finally, he found her in the kitchen making biscuits and gravy. The smell was so delicious, it almost made him forget about his sty. Almost.

Monkey: Mom! I have a sty in my eye! It hurts! What can I do to make it go away?
Mother Monkey: Well, cheeky little monkey, you may not believe this but if you do exactly as I say, that sty will be gone by morning.
Monkey: Okay! What do I need to do?
Mother Monkey: You go down to the basement, find your pet cat, get the fuzziest part of her tail and rub it over the sty a couple of times. When you wake up in the morning your sty will be gone.
Monkey: NO WAY! I am NOT rubbing the cat's ass on my eye! NO. (and he pouted like a cheeky monkey)
Mother Monkey: Suit yourself. But would I ever lie to you? It works. Try it.

Cheeky Monkey stomped downstairs muttering something about crazy old ladies under his breath....

He sat in the basement playing Nintendo and eyeing the cat. He played a few more games and eyed the cat. The cat stared back. Monkey turned his back on the cat and tried to make his mother's words disappear from his head.

He put down the controller, shut off the Nintendo and as nonchalantly as a Cheeky Monkey could, strolled over to the cat, grabbed it in some ninja/sumo/grappling hold and quickly rubbed its' furry tail over his sty. The cat yowled in indignation and leapt from his arms to perch on the back of the sofa, tail twitching in agitation.

Cheeky Monkey: Oh shut up cat, I don't know what you have to be pissed about, not like I rubbed MY ASS on your eye.

THE NEXT MORNING

Monkey goes upstairs for breakfast. He sits at the table waiting for Mother Monkey to finish with the eggs. She sits his glass of orange juice in front of him, looks him over and says:

You did it didn't you? I told you.

Monkey: I don't want to talk about it.

The moral of the story folks, is this: sometimes even when your mother tells you to rub a cat's ass on your eye, she knows best.

This is actually a true story. Monkey's mother is one of the coolest women I know... very no-nonsense and straight-forward. So apparently those of you out there suffering with a sty in your eye. Beg, borrow or steal a cat for a few minutes if you aren't lucky enough to own one yourself and try this little known remedy. Creepy sounding I know, but it works. Just ask my husband =)

It has been a very long day...

2005-06-25T17:00:00.000-04:00

Do you ever notice how long a day can seem when you are trying to keep a four-year-old entertained?

Monkey went to go see a double feature with some friends of his... I believe he was in dire need of some re-grouping. I have however spent the day having my hair done, 408 applications of 'magic' suntan lotion, driving by SW's house with HR (long story). Making ham sandwhiches with grapes, watching cartoons, trying to clean up my house... and it's only 4:00pm.

It's funny, when your children grow up and become more independent you forget how intense it can be with small children.

Hell of a responsibility. I have however firmly silenced my internal clock. I am just too old to be considering starting this life-cycle over again. (especially not with a four-year-old in the house already.)

I wish I had something witty and funny to post, but frankly, I am too tired =) maybe later!

Well.

2005-06-24T23:22:00.000-04:00

I got to work on Tuesday morning... only to be askedbeggedtold to go to Wichita Kansas to help out one of our other facilities. When? oh ...that day. Talk about notice. Dave needless to say, was less than thrilled. To go from a 34-year-old never been a father before type, to a 34-year-old with a teenage son and wife is one thing. To go from that ... to a 34-year-old with a teenager, a wife, a dog, cat AND a four-year-old girl is quite another thing. The ONLY thing that could be more stressful than that...would to then become a single parent over night.

Which is basically what I did to him on Tuesday.

Poor thing. Actually, he did quite well. The house wasn't a total disaster. The girl child was still in once piece, dog was still as fat and happy as ever and the teenager was not grounded for life.

All things considered I would say it was a success. I walked in the door this evening, he kissed me on the cheek and said this:

I am glad your home.

Before disappearing downstairs for some much needed away time from the stressors of single parenthood. I am almost scared to tell him I will most likely have to go back at least one more time in the next three weeks....

The trip itself was uneventful for the most part. We ate some good food, saw lots of cows. I did speak to Jen on the phone... (I'm sorry about your team! I saw they lost in game 7. better luck next year girly!)

It's always neat to talk to people you get to know online in person. HR came with me on this trip, it was our first road trip together. She did manage to pick up a pilot at the hotel....she's ballsy that's for sure. Well I don't know if she picked him up or not, but she gave him his number. Remains to be seen if he calls. Cute, very cute. And young. But older than the last guy she gave her number to, so I suppose it's a step up. She doesn't mean to, she actually thinks they are older. I guess she is just a really bad judge of age. - or maybe just a really good liar, and she actually really likes them young =)

Hope you all had a great week.

xoxo

2005-06-24T21:40:00.000-04:00

How's this for flat? This was my exciting drive across kansas this week. MILES of this.

Question of the day...

2005-06-20T22:39:00.000-04:00

By request, (and because I have zero to type about today...) the question of the day... I tried to go through the book and find some deep though provoking question to ask you.. but alas I couldn't pick one. So, doing what any mature, grown up person would do in this situation, I closed my eyes, flipped through the pages until it felt like the right spot and voila!

The question of the day:

You, your closest friend, and your father are on vacation together, hiking in a remote jungle. Your two companions stumble into a nest of poisonous vipers and are bitten repeatedly. You know neither will live without an immediate shot of anti-venom, yet there is only a single dose of anti-venom and it is in your pocket. What do you do?

I suppose it wouldn't be fair to just ask the question and not respond hmmm? Okay, well for me assuming of course that I had a normal father-daughter relationship (which I did not, but let us for this particular purpose pretend that I did), you know what???? It's my blog! I am going to just ask the question!

Answer away folks!

I promise to be more entertaining next time... OH and I almost forgot: question of the day brought to you by:Gregory Stock PH.D. and his wonderful "book of questions".

2005-06-19T21:14:00.000-04:00

Do you remember what it was like to be this fascinated by bubbles ?

2005-06-19T21:12:00.000-04:00

How can you resist this face though ?

2005-06-19T21:11:00.000-04:00

This child will be the death of me... If I could bottle her energy. I would be rich.

2005-06-19T21:08:00.000-04:00

Sackett... the wonder dog.

Flickr

2005-06-19T10:05:00.000-04:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

quote of the day:

2005-06-19T09:49:00.000-04:00

Dave reads my post, says thank you.... I go over and give him a kiss, he hugs me...caresses my left breast; and here is the conversation that ensues:

me: oh what is this? gratuitous Father's day boob squeezing?
Dave: sure, but where is my father's day blow job?

I wax poetic about his fatherly skills and gush with warmth at his loving nature and he tries to turn it into a blow job opportunity =)

(maybe later when his mother isn't on her way over) but shh, don't tell him.

Happy Father's Day

2005-06-19T09:18:00.000-04:00

Happy Father's day, to all you fathers, father-in-laws, step-father's, boyfriends raising someone else's children, uncles who take in their nieces and/or nephews, grand-fathers, great-grandfathers and for those of us lucky enough to still have them in our lives; great-great-grandfathers, foster dads.... expecting dads...

I think I covered you all. Growing up I never had a father, mine left when I was 6 months old. My mother did an amazing job of being the sole bread winner in the family, but because she was a doctor, I saw her much less than I would have liked. When I was 13 she met and subsequently married a man named Victor. But at 13, I didn't appreciate any of his good qualities, I only resented him for 'changing' my life as I had grown accustomed to it. I was a rotten 13-year-old.

Now, as a 35-year-old, I can appreciate his kindness and the gentle way with which he puts up with my mother's nattering. She is a lovely woman, but prone to being slightly on the bossy side of life. I suppose that comes from having a 'man's job' way back in the day before it was actually acceptable. Who knows. He has loved her with all her quirks, for 22 years and counting. (not to mention the fact that he had to put up with me as a step-child - and I was a shit to him.

It was when I married Dave however, that I finally found out what it was like to have a father. The gifts were two-fold. I watched Dave with my son, trying patiently (and sometimes not so patiently), trying to teach him right from wrong and guide him into manhood kicking and screaming. I watch him sit him down and explain things to him and help him with his homework, all of it with patience even though I am sure he would rather be doing something less thankless. I watched him when his brother called and asked him to take in his niece because he couldn't care for her. It took all of 23 minutes for him to figure out how he could rearrange his life to fit her in.

So thank you Dave, for finally showing me what a real father is like.

And Happy Father's Day

sweet things come in gruff packages......

2005-06-18T19:59:00.000-04:00

So Datamonkey (Dave) has this friend, I have actually alluded to him in one of my previous posts (BV); he came to the strip club with my friend HR and I. I should describe BV to you so you get a better idea of what I am talking about.

He is easily 6'3" and could be taller I am not sure. He is one of those men that is just built for business - thick, well-muscled neck, broad chest, big arms, definitely not a man you would mess with if you saw him coming torwards you in a dark alley. I am constantly reminded of Vin Diesel when I see him although truthfully he looks more like Bill Goldberg, okay actually, in this picture, he looks exactly like Bill Goldberg, damn they could have been separated at birth, forget I even mentioned Vin Diesel. In fact I am going to take a picture next week when he comes over for the Friday night game and post it just so you can see!

BUT that was not my point. Last night, I took Alyssa by the hand and ventured down into NoGirlsLand. That's right, the Friday night basement... the reason I did this, is so that if she heard anything loud and scary, I wanted her to know it was just her Uncle Monkey and his little friends being silly and playing games. So I introduced them and off we went. She took it all in stride and never batted an eye.

However, I told you that little snippet in order to tell you this: This afternoon, BV AKA "Goldberg" called Monkey because he left something over here last night and wanted to come by and pick it up. Monkey told him it was here and waited for his friend to swing by and grab it.

When he arrived, this big, soft-hearted wonderful hunk of a man had in his hands, a bag from Walmart which he (and I wasn't there but can only imagine) rather gruffly pushed at my husband and said, "I didn't know if the little girl had anything to play with."

He took his magazine and left Monkey standing in the hallway holding a Walmart bag containing this.

So you see, sometimes incredibly sweet, selfless things can come in big, gruff packages.....

Thanks BV. I am pretty sure you just made this little girl feel a little more loved.

Calling anyone with a camera......

2005-06-18T08:29:00.000-04:00

I know most of you have digital cameras by now, and some of you have scanners. One of the bloggy people that I read has a little art project going aside from just regular blogging. I actually think that it is a pretty neat idea so I have decided to put the word out to those of you that stop in here.

The concept is this: you snap a picture of what you see in the morning when you open your eyes. He calls it " my eyes open" and you can find a link to it on his regular blog site here.

I think it's a cool concept and I would like to help get the word out for him so if you could take a picture and send it to him...or even put a little post about it on your site to spread the word to more people, that would be great!

Enjoy your weekend people! I am off shortly to shop for new clothes for my niece....shopping on a Saturday with a four-year-old. I'll bet this will be interesting!

Here is a direct link to the art project My Eyes Open, in case you are one of those people that just wants to skip the middle man and not read his blog (which is actually pretty damn funny - so you should check that out too you goobers!). And by the way, my eyes opened in Kansas City... in case you were wondering!

bye!

2005-06-17T17:50:00.000-04:00

and last one for the day.... look how happy she is living here !!!! hah. this was the face she gave Dave when he asked her to put her shoes on so she didn't get a splinter... expressive little munkey isn't she?

2005-06-17T17:42:00.000-04:00

what a pair ! lol (he is so going to kill me! )

2005-06-17T15:27:00.000-04:00

2005-06-17T09:42:00.000-04:00

and because I promised if I put his up here I would do me... here I am.. wrinkles and all... =)